How do I leave him?

[CarlosCarlos]

I’m in a relationship with a man who I am not happy with. He is an angry person with a short temper. He’s never hurt me but he is snappy and easily upset. I am treading on eggshells all the time. We’ve been together 3 years and don’t have much conversation. Being honest, we have nothing in common. He’s tight with money and isn’t particularly kind. Problem is, we had a baby 3 months ago. It wasn’t planned and I would never have a termination as much as I am pro choice. I moved to his home town so he could be near his child from a previous relationship. It just isn’t working for me anymore.

I am desperate to leave him but deep down don’t think I will. I want to move back to my home town where all my family is but that’s nearly 200 miles away. I’m scared I would feel too guilty and worry that my tiny son would end up not knowing his dad/spending extended time away from me.

I’m deeply unhappy.

I’m scared to be a single mum. I’m scared to leave him and end up living round the corner in his home town with no friends or family nearby.

I’m stuck. I’m sad. I feel trapped. This is the first time I’m admitting this (to myself also).

My son has a sister who adores him (DPs daughter from previous - she's 8). He's not a bad person. Is a good dad.

Please help advise me. I’m terrified that I’ve got myself in to this position and will never get myself out... not sure what to do.

Move back with family and do your best as a single parent.
You can do this 💐

I'm really nervous about how visits would work. He has a Dd who will want to see her brother. He's not going to be able to drive to pick DS up and I'm worried I'll be made to drive 800 miles eow to facilitate all visits. DS is only 3.5 months. He's ebf. I can't exactly ship him off for the weekend. I'm really concerned. I have no idea how this will work

can't you contact Women's aid or some similar womens DV charity for advice? Although he's not hitting you he is being emotionally abusive with the potential for physical violence. They will be able to advise you on the safest way to progress leaving.

I've tried to contact women's aid for help but it's been going to voicemail for the past few hours.

it is early, did you look up the helpline opening times?

@jua890 it's 24 hours

You need to take things 1 step at a time. First you need to break away from him and move back to where your family are (you'll need their support). After you've done that you can sort out a routine for him to see his son, as he's EBF at the moment he can't have overnight visits or anything like that but that doesn't mean he can't see him. You can also work out maintenance payments etc. I expect you'll think a lot more clearly when you are away from him and surrounded by people sho love you, support you and lift you up. As for your partners DD, she may have some attachment to your DS but she's 8, she's only known your DS for 3.5months, as much as it may sound harsh to say it, she'll get over you moving away and not seeing your son. You can't base your decisions and actions in this situation on the possibility that an 8 year old might get upset.

It can be hard to get through to women's aid, keep trying or leave them a message letting them know when it's safe for them to call you back

You need to find the courage to leave. You can't stay and you'd be setting your son a really bad example if you did.

His 8-year old will be fine, she will adjust to not seeing her half-brother so much.

His arrangements for access visits are not your responsibility either - that's for him to sort out. As you've said, he's already got one child from a broken relationship - I'm assuming he spoke to his ex the way he does to you and she got sick of it as well.

Take your son and go back to your family. And be honest with them about why. They will help you sort the wood from the trees, so to speak. But you can't stay in this relationship, isolated from your friends and family. And miserable.