Hi there, i've never posted on here before but i'm utterly lost and really in need of some stories of hope. I am 37, i have two lovely children and have been with my husband for 11 years. I fell in love with my husband at first sight and our relationship has been amazing (aside from usual stresses and strains). Until about 4 years ago.... Our youngest had some health problems which was very stressful, i couldn't work as much (i earn as much as my husband) which put us under a lot of financial stress, i eventually had a nervous breakdown from the stress - which added more stress - slowly things got better. Our youngest thankfully came out the other side and is well again, i got back to work (a lot), but we have a fair amount of residual money troubles we're still working our way out of which is still causing issues. However the stress has really taken my husband down badly - he is a ball of anger all the time, he drinks too much and is mean to me when he does (not physically), in the last 2 years we've barely had sex at all and in the last 9 months or so not even once, and in the last 6 months things have descended to the point where if we try to talk about anything other than the weather we just argue horribly. It's utterly miserable, i am so unhappy, i cry myself to sleep most nights (we sleep in separate rooms). Occasionally we have glimpses of what we used to have and i feel a glimmer of hope, and we agreed to start couples counselling (we start next week) but i feel like it's too late. I don't see a way back from this horrible hole we're in, where we hate each other most of the time. But i love him, and i know he loves me, no-one has had an affair, we adore our children but we're at complete stalemate - we don't seem to be able to have even the simplest of conversations anymore without it turning into a 'you did this and you did that' shouting match. I guess what i'm wondering is.... has anyone else ever felt like their relationship was beyond redemption and somehow clawed their way back to a happy place? I would be so grateful to hear from anyone who has made it back from here. The idea of not seeing my kids every day and 'sharing' christmasses is too awful to contemplate, and when i think back just 3 years ago, we were still like teenagers with each other, i miss it so much, i miss him, but i just don't feel anything but anger and resentment and frustration when i think of the last couple of years. I'm so lonely and frankly terrified, its a really horrible place to exist in.
Sorry for venting! Thank you for listening x