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Original poster

Husband's been messaging another woman

14 replies

Sherbety · 09/02/2019 15:08

He went out last night and left his phone at home on charge as the battery was really low, I decided to look through it because he had been so secretive with it lately. I found out he'd been messaging a woman, mostly just having a friendly chat but he was often telling her how beautiful she is and how he can't stop looking at her picture. She'd mentioned being happily married (still didn't seem to mind the compliments) and having kids and he also told her about me and our DC but seemed to complain about me in most their conversations and talk about how how much of a bitch I can be. The messages go back months. He noticed my change in mood once he got back and I told him I'd found the messages and was hurt. He'd saying I'm over reacting and they're just talking to each other. I really don't know anymore, it's like he lives on a different planet sometimes where he does what he likes as he pleases without considering anyone else

OP posts:
Original poster
Sherbety · 09/02/2019 15:19

Bump

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2019 15:26

How does he know her?

I wouldn’t be happy about DH complimenting another woman like that and even less happy he was calling me a bitch.

You’re not over reacting at all.

Ellabella989 · 09/02/2019 15:27

I’m sure he’d be over the moon if he knew you had been texting a man for months who you were flirting loads with and slagging him off to. It’s so disrespectful and shitty to do that to someone else when you’re meant to be in a committed partnership together. He should have your back, not be bad mouthing you to a random woman.
How is your relationship in general usually? Has it hit a bit of a lull? No excuse for that sort of behaviour vet though and if he wants the freedom to flirt and get excited by someone else then he should be single

Original poster
Sherbety · 09/02/2019 15:38

Seems to have met her online, our relationship is generally good, we argue sometimes and I have been stressed lately but I'm certainly not being a bitch as he says

OP posts:
Floralhousecoat · 09/02/2019 15:41

Him calling me a birch would be end for me. How dare he slag you off to another woman? You're underrreacting op.

Orange6904 · 09/02/2019 15:46

He's crossed a line slagging off your relationship to someone else.

Canthearthroughmyglasses · 09/02/2019 15:47

That’s not on at all. Maybe he would be skipping into the sunset knowing you have a hot bloke you had been texting for months and complaining about his lack of everything. Naw I would be fuming too. Don’t let him play it down and stand by your gut. How is he otherwise treating you?

Solstice888 · 09/02/2019 15:54

He is clearly looking for a bit of 'something something' from her, whether she is interested or not. That whole 'my wife is a b*tch' is the way these sorts tell the other women that they are emotionally available. If she had bitten I bet it wouldn't be long before he was telling her that he and u sleep in separate rooms blah blah. I would bet he has given the exact same shpeal to other women too. You are 100% not overreacting. Even if the above situation isn't the case, he is slagging u off to a total stranger. I suggest you Google covert narcissistic personality disorder as the whole 'he never considers anyone else' smacks of it. That and the fact thathe has done this hortible thing and instead of appologising is telling u that u are over reacting. Normal people consider other ppls feelings (especially those of those they are meant to love). This dude has issues. You deserve better.

MsDogLady · 09/02/2019 15:59

Overreacting? No.

He is trying it on with her. He is gaslighting you to make you back off.

  • Telling her she’s beautiful.
  • Saying he can’t stop looking at her picture.
  • Disrespecting you in the conversations.
  • Messaging her for months.

..it’s like he lives on a different planet sometimes where he does what he likes as he pleases without considering anyone else.

Wake up. Why do you want to be with this despicable man who treats you with contempt and takes you for a fool?

Ellapaella · 09/02/2019 16:28

Meeting her online? Why is he meeting women online? And telling her she's beautiful.. what an arse. I hope you're not going to put up with this OP.

NameChangeNugget · 09/02/2019 16:47

He’s obviously getting off on the attention & loving the sexual chase. He’s clearly not happy in your relationship and neither should you be, with his shitty behaviour.
Don’t stand for this

SauvignonMum · 09/02/2019 16:53

I'd could probably forgive the talking to her online, but calling you a bitch... that's really low Sad

SortingItOut · 09/02/2019 17:17

Get out now - they will never change. Even when they promise never to do it again, they will!!!

My husband did this as soon as we were married, 17 years later he was still doing it and I grew a pair and left him.

I didn't leave before as he always threatened to kill himself plus we had a daughter together.

All the messages I saw over the years with loads of different women started like that and then progressed, as far as I know he never actually met anyone in person but for me the flirting was enough.

Even now, 9 mths after I ended our marriage and 8mths since he moved out he truly cannot believe we are over.
He actually said to me, when he was sectioned after an overdose in December that he did it as an ego boost and would never have left me for any of these women.
From that I took that he preferred it when I put up and shut up and didn't actually ever believe I would walk.

There were various other issues in our marriage but this was the biggest, I felt like I had wasted so long with him and at 37 I still had a good amount of life ahead of me so got out when I was mentally ready.

SandyY2K · 09/02/2019 18:57

So he wouldn't have a problem if you messaged another man...telling him handsome he was and complaining about him?

Personally...I'd consider my marriage over with no remorse from him.

That's not to say I'd be filing for divorce ...but I would no longer be committed to the marriage and I'd be making necessary plans for a future without him.

To me the marriage would be dead... because there's no chance I'd want to be intimate with him after that. I don't have the patience for such nonsense.

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