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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

28 & Getting Divorced.. Need positive stories!

20 replies

Missbee90 · 08/02/2019 23:42

Just that really ... posted on here a few times, found out today the STBXH introduced his new girlfriend to his family recently and it’s just made me feel a bit shite.. I was so close to them all, with him for 11 years since I was 17, married 1 and he quite simply got in bed one day and told me he didn’t love me anymore.. that was 7 months ago. It’s been hell, we were always a pretty good team but he literally walked out on me like we’d been together a few weeks...

I’m in a much better place than I was 7 months ago but it’s still hard, I still miss him but I mainly miss feeling settled. I feel like I’m the only single 28 year old without children in the world and worried I’ll never meet anyone or be a mum. Ridiculous I know and not true!

I just need to hear some positive stories please! Will I ever get over him fully? Will I ever be able to trust again if I do meet someone? I just never ever ever expected to be in this position... x

OP posts:
TooOldForThis67 · 09/02/2019 01:10

When one door closes, another one opens. You have youth on your side. Time is a great healer. So many cliche's but true!
I've been married 3 times. Had my 1st and only child at 41. Am now a single Mum.
Yes, you will grieve the relationship for a while but you'll eventually feel able to move on.
I get the thing with the ex in-laws, it hurts. He's moved on and his family are simply supporting him. No doubt it feels odd to them too.
Find some new interests to occupy your mind. What helps me is to keep a written journal of my feelings. It's great to look back on and see how far you've come. Flowers

snoutandab0ut · 09/02/2019 01:14

If it’s any consolation, I’m 29, my friends range from 26-35ish, around 75% are single and none have kids. Its definitely not just you...

Kescilly · 09/02/2019 01:22

I started dating my ex-husband at 18, married at 25, divorced at 30. When we got divorced I felt really lost as I had never been an adult without him in my life. I thought I was close with my ex-MIL but it was amazing how quickly that all went out the window. I had some really tough times, but also pushed myself to meet people and make friends and try new experiences.

I’m now 35, remarried, and expecting my first child. I couldn’t be happier and it’s difficult to remember what life was like with my ex.

Hang in there, if you work towards a better future, it’ll be there.

321Bed · 09/02/2019 06:14

@Missbee90

I could have written your post! I was exactly the same age and in exactly your situation. It was clear before too long that I was better off out of my marriage, it was a strange and difficult time. Adjusting to being single after being together since I was 17 (in my case) and then divorced at 28 was bad enough, but also seeing the introduction of his 'new' girlfriend just a few months later... Hmm

I'll be honest, it took a bit of time. But, taking time to figure out who I was and what I wanted before getting in to another serious relationship did me the world of good. My best bit of advice would be not to rush in to anything too quickly. Otherwise, you just end up filling the gap that your ex left with the same thing again!

My good news story is that I'm now with the man who is so obviously my 'other half' that I can't believe we haven't been together all our lives! We get married in 6 months and I couldn't be happier.

Charliebigpotatoes · 09/02/2019 07:19

I could have written this post myself!!

I got married at 23 and when I was 27, whilst we were trying for a baby, my husband came home and said he didn't love me anymore and was leaving. Just like that. I was crushed and so sure I'd be the only childless divorcee at the age of 28 in the world. I know 100% that I would never meet anyone and would never have children. When his new girlfriend fell pregnant it killed me and I was devastated all over again.

As I write this to you at the age of 35, I'm in bed listening to my new husband (we got married in January ❤️) play with our 6 month old son downstairs.

I am so happy, something I never thought I would be.

It's a rough road but hang in there. You're worthy of finding love and happiness and you will, you just need time to grieve for your marriage first. Remember to be kind to yourself, look after yourself and remember that you're no. 1.

HotChocolateLover · 09/02/2019 07:26

I was with ex-husband from 18 and married at 20. We had a baby when I was 19. We split when I was 23 and divorced at 25! I thought I was going to be an old spinster. Anyway, I met new DH at 32, married at 35 and am just coming up to 36. Blissfully happy 😃 💓

Original poster
Missbee90 · 09/02/2019 07:46

Ladies thank you so much for sharing these are exactly what I need to read, you’re all my inspirations! I think what hurts the most is how he’s just walked in to another relationship and landed on his feet once again, makes you feel like you meant nothing.

OP posts:
TheArtfulScreamer1 · 09/02/2019 10:39

I got divorced in 2009 aged 28 after 2 years of marriage when my then husband decided to have an affair with his colleague (I don't think he expected to get caught) I grieved for the future I thought we were going to have as much as I grieved for the end of my marriage. 10 years later my former marital home has a decent chunk of equity in it and is currently costing me very little as I have long term tennants and I live in a national park with my new husband and a baby due next month. My ex on the other hand lives in a starter home with a high LTV mortgage and his affair/relationship is long since over, he's now in his late 40s and as of yet hasn't had children despite always wanting to be a dad. I hope things work out for him in the long run as he's not a bad guy just not always the best decision maker and in the end my life is infinitely better than I suspect it would've been.

MumCatx2 · 11/02/2019 12:14

Being in a new relationship isn't necessarily landing on your feet. He may be rebounding, rushing, etc etc. Much better to be able to be happy alone than to be with someone for the sake of it. Have some fun, don't worry about settling down, you have years to do that. Enjoy the perks of being single.

Rock3pillo · 11/02/2019 21:51

I am in exactly the same position. Married for just 5 months together for 9 years. Just before xmas he told me he wasn't happy and hadn't been for months (but was when we married in August Hmm).... low and behold there was another woman. A colleague at work who has since left her husband and they have now realised they have feelings for each other (pure coincidence of course)

I have good days and bad days.... I think a lot is shock as I would have put my life on him never doing this to me. I know I will get through this but feel like I've spent my adult years waiting for commitment and children and now that's all been taken away from me and she will probably reap the rewards. I think that's the hardest thing, trying to imagine starting from scratch and building a new life goal. X

insecure123 · 12/02/2019 09:07

I was 28 and felt the same. It gets better I promise! I am now 32 and have a new man who is truly wonderful. I would never have thought I could be so happy. hang in there

Rock3pillo · 12/02/2019 20:33

I think it's the not knowing what happened, when and why. Like overanalysing every conversation and night since our wedding day. We had to endure 4 weeks of sharing the house with each other but since it's all out he's left which makes life easier. I know I'll look back and thank my lucky stars but at the moment feels so surreal. X

Original poster
Missbee90 · 12/02/2019 23:22

@rock3pilo so sorry you’re going through the same, I’ve done the same and obsessed over thoughts and conversations .. it was such a shock and our wedding photos scream love and happiness, it’s just cruel.
I completely feel exactly what you said about waiting for commitment and children and then BAM you have to start again. It is SO very scary xx

OP posts:
spreadingchestnuttree · 12/02/2019 23:27

Just count your blessings - you're young, free and single with many years ahead of you for marriage and a family if that's what you want. You haven't got children together so can have a clean break and a fresh start. Flowers

Rock3pillo · 13/02/2019 13:14

Thank you lovely. I completely agree and can start to see now that I can have that life I wanted but with someone better. I honestly don't understand how he can turn off any love care or empathy in such a short space of time (well I can because I imagine he's pretty preoccupied with his new woman). Just hoping one day karma hits them both x

Original poster
Missbee90 · 14/02/2019 19:03

Thank you again ladies.
@rock3pilo feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to who’s going through the same. I can only hope for light at the end of the tunnel. X

OP posts:
Rock3pillo · 14/02/2019 21:55

Thank you so much. We will get through this because there's no other option. They're the ones who have to live with themselves knowing they've treated somebody they once loved this way. X

Rock3pillo · 22/02/2019 17:34

How is everyone getting on? I'm feeling so much better than I did. I've started counselling and have zero contact with him (apart from him contacting me to collect some belongings over the last couple of weeks). Not seen him for 4 weeks now and have no desire to which I think is positive

fiorentina · 22/02/2019 21:24

I was getting divorced at the same age as you, remarried at 31, DC at 32 and then another. You are young, go out and have fun and you will find someone else.

something2say · 22/02/2019 21:36

I agree ladies!! It's so tempting to think there'll never be anyone else but it's not usually the case x

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