Moody partner calls me pathetic

[lovelyanon]

So me and my partner have been together 5 years (6 this September) and I had my little girl last March! He's always been a quiet moody one, he's always been secretive. He was a dj every weekend same place I used to go with him, anyway veeeery long story short he left on nye and he decided to spring it on me last night that he was going for a meal with the boss there the landlady and the other dj there, I said "are you taking the p*ss?!" Because I didn't get an invite and he "forgot" that he has made arrangements. I know we forget but hes always told me things last minute and I swear it's THE most annoying thing ever but this isn't the first time I've not been invited... the same thing happened last feb, he went for the works Xmas do and I didn't get an invite (I always used to), until the past two years. I feel as if he's happy to just live life without me. Before anyone jumps on the "he's cheating" he's not, as I spoke to the people he was with last night and I just know he's not. But he's always been one to say "I'm always right" and he truly believes this every time. He also went to a concert with his friend last July WITHOUT me. Again. He went to Spain, twice, WITHOUT me, at the beginning of our relationship. He's still drinking at weekends, and it's just silence most of the time, it's not a sudden thing for me he's always been quiet but it's really pushing my buttons. Anyway back to the story, I said last night why are you pushing me out so much? And he said that I'm really being pathetic, and that I need to sort my head out. He said this morning after sleeping downstairs that I should've reacted like a normal girlfriend and that I make him miserable. Which isn't true, as I'm always cheery, doing his laundry, etc. If anything he makes me miserable, he's never happy, smiley, he's either at work or asleep. He's even gone as far as not looking or speaking to me all day and even ignoring our daughter and he's been in bed all day. Is this absolutely ridiculous or is it just men????? I'm miserable.

It's ridiculous. Get rid, you can do better.

No its not men, its the fact that you are still with the wrong man. He is the one being pathetic here, not you; he is merely projecting his own crap onto you. You have far too reasonably throughout but he has and still is taking you for a complete fool here partly because of your own poor boundaries.

Why are you together at all now, what is in this relationship for you still?. What you write of him sounds utter misery for you and in turn your child. Both you and she deserve better than this joysucker in your lives.

Come on OP, you can do better than him.

You're miserable and he's an arsehole. It sounds like he's gaslighting you too.

You can do better - for yourself, and your daughter.

Why on earth are with someone who doesn’t want to spend their time with you or even bother talking to you?
What’s more, you need to protect your daughter from this selfish, toxic man.

I'm maybe misunderstanding, but why can't he go out without you?

You don't need to have him in your life you know.

Don't get me wrong he's a good guy, like he supports us 75% of the time financially and transports me everywhere, we occasionally go off to Wales, we go on occasional days out and have lunch, it's very much 50/50 but when he's in a mood, the world knows about it. I have to be patient to a point as his dad has fell ill, so I can understand him to a point but to be treated like this for 24 hours is just vile! Like I said he is decent but he has very big downfalls, he does the silent treatment for days on end for "punishment". But I'm carrying on as me.. don't worry girls he hasn't got me this time! One day I'll grow a set and leave. I grew up around domestic abuse so I know the signs so that's why i was asking is this ridiculous or is it men as I don't know men I only ever seen problematic relationships.

These issues started early in your relationship. You ignored and pushed through. He has always been moody and secretive. Not great qualities, but you overlooked them.

It doesn't sound like he has much regard for you. How often do you get time without the baby?

You are deluded you’re not invited constantly because he’s up to no good, you have no idea and you’re a doormat running about after this dick who treats you like shit, you go about cheering him up after he’s been out on his latest bender and he then ignores you for days on end?

Seriously work on yourself because you are allowing a joke of a relationship to continue, I’m agog at your naivety 😮

Omg. He’s a sulky man child. Get rid op. You can do a lot better.

Lol he's not cheating and he doesn't go on benders. We go out together when he has days off work but I don't appreciate the silent treatment

Lol he's not cheating and he doesn't go on benders

Yep, and if that’s your personal benchmark, then unfortunately you are stuck with this.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents, look at what they taught you here.

No-one ever bothered to show you what a mutually respectful relationship is like and fact is you still do not know. Growing up around domestic abuse and problematic relationships completely messed up your boundaries leaving you with the pitifully low bar you have now set for yourself. All that made you far easier for someone like this abuser to get his claws into and he targeted you accordingly. The silent treatment he also gives you is a further example of his emotional abuse towards you.

You are now in an abusive relationship, you learnt nothing positive about relationships when you were growing up and its sadly of no real surprise that you are in an abusive relationship now. Your daughter will in all likelihood go onto be in abusive relationships herself particularly if you do not act soon and value your own self a lot more. You do not need this man in your life, he needs you far more than you really need him.

Another month, let alone another year of this, will really have you on your knees. He really does have you where he wants you now. The longer you stay with him the more time needed to recover from the abuses he has meted out to you. And that's not even beginning to take into account all the abuse you saw in childhood.

How old are you now?.

Guys I'm not in abusive relationship! He's a good guy he just goes in to very quiet moods lol. Luckily I know what a real abuser is like and I can say he is not one!

@lovelyanon

I don't get this at all. You've gone from bad mouthing him listing definite signs of gaslighting and him calling you "pathetic" which is abuse itself to then sticking up for him and telling us he's very decent?
I dunno but the original post shows to me he isn't behaving in a decent way, how can any father ignore his own daughter also just because they're in an argument with the mum!? Not very decent at all

He treats you like shit and you’re defending him a good guy bloody hell raise your bar in fact pick it up