Is it ever your fault that your partner cheated on you?

[Dinky123]

Currently going through a messy break up where I am finding new things that he has done with other women daily.

I met with him last night to talk and ended up having a 3 hour long conversation.

He said that his actions are all done to cause and effect. The cause being that he feels like I should have buried what has happened in the past and that he feels like he can't talk to me.

I went away from the conversation believing this but now today finding out that he was planning on meeting an ex partner I am so angry and feel like surely it's him with the problem, not me?

His comments about leaving things in the past sound very much like rugsweeping.

Nope. If he was unhappy then he should have left the relationship before he cheated.

I agree that people can be driven into cheating out of desperation. But I think that's highly unlikely in most cases.

I would say in most cases, the cheating partner looks to find reasons to blame for their actions. So what he's doing is not unusual at all.

He's not thinking fairly or rationally at the moment, so I would advise ignoring any attempts to blame you.

So as well as blaming you for his penis falling into a vagina he further insults you by calling you names doesn’t sound much like a sorry person in fact sounds like he’ll carry on having no control over his actions, surely you can do better 👍

No

I feel my H's affair was my fault as I was drinking heavily and abusive to him on 2 occasions (slapped his face).

"I think that we have to take some responsibility because if everything was hunky Dory, people wouldn't cheat."

That's not true in every case. People cheat for all sorts of reasons e.g. just met someone they really fancy, temptation, need for variety, liking the early stages of a relationship and just wanting to have their cakes and eat it. I have friends who've admitted such motivations and it's not fair to say the cheated on partner deserves half the blame or to say that the problem was the official relationship.

"I read something once which showed that a good percentage of men would happily cheat if they felt they not get caught and the opportunity arose. They didn’t say they were unhappy in their relationships. Just happy to take the chance if presented itself."

Yes, and there have been many threads on here where women have said the same thing.

NEVER!!!!

All men think with their dicks and given the chance will cheat. NEVER will it be your fault

I think the majority of cheating can be attributed to attention whoring, ego tripping and thrill of the chase.. yawn

Such pitiful people should stay single and not inflict their selfishness, vanity and shallowness on the rest of us imho.

While I was busy doing the boring stuff, y'know bringing up children, running the house, managing the business he was off getting involved in an EA.

I didn't have time for him, apparently. And because he thought I'd been unfaithful in the past (actually I hadn't) thought it was OK. He liked getting his ego stroked.

He is the one at fault here. But that's not to say there weren't problems in our relationship too.