Family and friends not liking other half

[Veg1234]

Hi everyone, I have a question regarding a problem I’m having with some of my friends/ family not liking my other half.
This is a rather long explanation, so I do hope anyone reading this has some patience.
So my boyfriend and I are late twenties, we live abroad (where we met) and are both musicians (but have very different jobs within the field).
We’ve been together for only a year, and I love him greatly. He’s all I have wanted in a man and I’m really happy. The reason I am writing this is because some of my family and friends don’t feel as strongly about him as I do.
This was firstly obvious back in the summer when a couple of my colleagues/ friends wrote an awful post on a Facebook friendship group. My boyfriend and I were leaving one city to move to another in the same country. He had to move out of our old apartment (that we were sharing with a girlfriend of mine), but I wasn’t there as I was working away. He had to move quickly and left the flat in a bit of a mess, he accidentally took some things to our new apartment that belonged to our flat mate at the time (small things- a cup and a tea towel etc). My flatmate at the time and her boyfriend messaged him to say they were annoyed with him for leaving the place messy, but he hadn’t replied to their messages for a while, so I did on his behalf. Anyway, after all of this, my flat mates boyfriend decided to write all of what had happened on a Facebook friendship group, detailing that he ‘stole’ these things on purpose and was not being very considerate, and is generally a horrible, arrogant and selfish person. Many people on the group had agreed with this guy. My boyfriend apologised to all and left the group, as did I.
My old flatmate then a few days later messaged me saying all of his flaws and how when we are in a ‘group’ it’s always a ‘disaster with him’.
This was upsetting for us both, as I had only know my bf until this point as a lovely person, but since this happened my mind has been filled up with these negative sides and I’ve started to see it more and more.
A similar thing happened over Christmas where his parents other half’s emailed him with similar views that he is ‘arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate’ etc etc.
Of course this has stirred me up even more, and now I found out yesterday that a friend of mine told my other friend she doesn’t like him.

Let me just be clear- I know he can be those things I explained above from time to time, but he knows this and he is working on them. For me his positives outweigh the negatives anyway, and I’m not blinded by love.

Also on a more positive note, people close to me like my mum and my best friend have said they really like him, and know how happy he makes me.

All of these negative opinions from my other friends and friends I have lost because of him have really taken their toll. I am unsure as to whether what they have said is a huge red flag? Should I be worried about his flaws? Every time he meets another friend of mine or another family member I am so so anxious of how they are going to feel about him. I often get a bad vibe, but not sure if it’s just my own fear of them not liking him?

It sounds like you are being dragged down with him and why did you write to these ex flatmates at all when he caused all this to begin with?. You are not his mother here so why did you enable him so?. It looks really bad too that he did not reply to their messages, I can see why they acted as they did.

Did these items he took get returned to their owner?.

Re your comment also:-
"Let me just be clear- I know he can be those things I explained above from time to time, but he knows this and he is working on them".

How is he working on his arrogance selfishness and inconsiderate behaviours exactly?. What positives does he have?. What direct evidence can you yourself see of him doing this?. Is he seeing a therapist or is he getting you to be that for him?. Stop making excuses for him and raise your relationship bar a lot higher going forward. If this bloke is really all that you have ever wanted in a man it makes me wonder how low your bar actually is.

Are you really blinded by love here?.

I'm guessing your mum and friend have only seen him a few times, on his best behaviour, while your flatmate got to see him frequently in his natural habitat?

You know he acts the way your friends say, so you can understand why they don't like him. They are entitled to complain if he pisses them off. You could possibly just have different tastes to them, but selfishness is generally not pleasant in a partner. Why are you so keen to be forgiving?

This was upsetting for us both, as I had only know my bf until this point as a lovely person, but since this happened my mind has been filled up with these negative sides and I’ve started to see it more and more.

So your question isn't about how you can make your family and friends appreciate your lovely boyfriend, but what to do about the fact that you can see they're entirely right about him being arrogant and selfish, though for some reason you didn't see it till other people started pointing it out?

Basically, no one in your circles likes him at all apart from you? Doesn't that set off any alarm bells? Also, what about the fact that you ended up trying to smooth over the flat situation because your boyfriend, having left the flat in a mess and taken things that weren't his (needing to do things in a rush is no excuse), couldn't be bothered to respond to messages from the people's he'd dumped with his mess? And his step-parents sent him an angry message at Christmas saying similar? And you're saying you've actually lost friends already because of him?

Do some serious thinking, OP. What are the chances that everyone bar you is too harsh on him?

PEOPLE he'd dumped.