How can I find someone? Will I find someone?

[despairingalready]

I’m feeling quite gloomy and down today. I’m almost 32 and starting to despair I’ll ever find someone to settle down with and be happy. Have only ever had two relationships - one for most of my 20s and another short term one that wasn’t great from the off.

It’s really decimated my confidence and I just feel so sad I might never find anyone. I’ve done OLD before but I struggled so much with it, I found it very hard to even get conversations going and in all honesty I much prefer meeting people just naturally in every day life but I can’t see how that will happen as I never seem to meet that many guys.

Feeling terribly sorry for myself today.

despairingalready so sorry you are feeling down today.

I think this is where you have to try and create opportunities to meet people. It sounds so cliched but if you are not meeting men, then you have to work out ways that you can.

Why is it that you are not meeting any men at the moment?

You had a relationship for most of your twenties!

No wonder you haven't dated much..

Would be worse if you had only had a one off year relationships and some dates for years that go nowhere..

I am similar age and have never got past 1-2 years.
Not that I care about being in a bad relationship for the sake of it.

Feel free to PM

OP I feel your pain. I am a couple of years older than you and feel that time’s running out to meet ‘the one’.
I have done my fair share of OLD and haven’t found anyone that’s right for me yet (have even struggled to find a fwb arrangement to attend to that need while waiting for Mr Right).I seem to come across weirdos...sexual kinks,just looking for sex then lose interest,being ghosted,commitment issues, addiction issues, lacking in emotional maturity, hung up on exes etc and most recently a lovely one but seems to have zero sex drive so is starting to knock
my confidence completely. Men from RL are either at work (all taken or just platonic work friendships) or on a night out (not that I’m really a night out type of person) just seem to be all letches and I struggle to know if people are single or not.
I would love to find somebody where there is a mutual interest and spark/chemistry,who has their shit together,is emotionally mature,honest,respectful etc. Just seems an impossibility and I am starting to lose faith!

Does 'The One' even exist anymore?

I think if I do finally find someone and try the long term thing.
It wont be fireworks and passions. Just OK?
Like two people that just wanna stop being single and having to be on dating sites for years with no luck.

The few guys I talk to that may be after the commitment, do come across perhaps more needy and boring..
When you look at easy going couples, they do come across very safe and predictable. Not a bad thing, but I don't want to be bored after a while or them bored with me.

Yet the ones that have good/busy social lives and interests never have enough time to prioritise a girlfriend.
Always can we do this time or day instead...

I don’t know why but I still strive for the Disney fairytale relationship!i know of only a handful of couples who seem to have achieved this.
I agree passion and fireworks type of relationships can often end up with being quite destructive and would much rather have reliable/dependable partnership with somebody but having a physical connection and regular sex is important to me and at the moment I’m getting none!

I want that mutual ‘fuck yes’ moment when it is obvious that both parties HAVE to be together.I wouldn’t want to feel I had ‘settled’ for anyone or vice versa just because they were a nice guy. It takes more than that. Also resilience is important - I am not so idealistic as to think that relationships/life is ever ‘perfect’-life has ups and downs and a test of a relationship is getting through the tough times together

lol You want to have like a really good type of TV/film type affair that isn't actually an affair.
Apple Tree Yard

Lol have just looked that up / no I could never been disloyal to a partner. This relationship is still very early days (less than 2 months) so it’s not like that at all. I managed a 10 year relationship before.

Awww you're only 32 - you're still a young thing :) If it makes you feel any better I didn't find my 'one' until I was 33 and we are still together 15 years later.

The funny thing is, you'll meet someone when you really least expect it.

@Thisismyusername1234

How did you meet?

I met my now DH at 35yrs via OLD - give it time! We were married within 18 months.

I had been pretty much single for 13 years before that. If i can do it anyone can.

@unique1986

We met at work - I wasn't looking for a relationship - but we just really got on as soon as we met....and the rest, as they say, is history

I feel your pain too. At the age of 41 and time and time again being let down by ones I thought wow where did you come from.

I'm starting to accept that I won't ever have a husband or partner or love.

And maybe that's ok and I can live with what I have.