Want more from online flirtation

[TheConversation]

Today 22:17 TheConversation

After school yesterday, DD16 came off her bike and was taken to hospital by ambulance. Long story short, we were there for hours - she was ok but they kept her in overnight. I'm a single mum to her and DS13 so I couldn't stay overnight at the hospital because of DS home alone - she was fine with this, I left at 10.30pm and returned at 7am this morning having woken up DS - I trusted him to get himself to school. All is well. DD is now home. I'm knackered and emotional.

It got me thinking about this guy from college. We're both 44 and have been messaging on social media since August. We've talked about loads of things, asked each other's opinions about problems, and have become closer. The conversation became sexual over Christmas which i enjoy, having been married to a man who made my skin crawl. It's a turn on. We chat most days, sometimes about sex, sometimes not.

I came back from the hospital today to a flirty message which I would normally enjoy but the hospital experience has made me want a proper relationship with someone who'll be there for me in an emergency, to offer practical and emotional support. Who'll be my plus-one at my friend's wedding in September. Who'll want to go on holiday with me when the DCs are away with their dad in July ....An online thing is no longer enough and I'm realising what I'm missing out on. I'm lonely. I have another weekend looming with bugger all planned. I have good friends but they're usually busy with partners at weekends.

If he's not interested I'd be mortified at the rejection and I'd miss the online connection. I'm not even sure how to phrase it! Help.....

Just ask him if he wants to meet up for a drink/coffee and take it from there.

You won't really know what's going on until/unless you meet up, so I'd suggest that as a first step and see what happens.

The trouble with online flirtations is that they're not "real". You and he can be different people online. You might even find you don't really like him much in real life. So try not to get too invested yet.

If he wants to meet, and something develops then great. If it turns out he's been stringing you along well that's his loss and maybe this will be the turning point you need to get out and begin to have more of a social life.

I hope your daughter is ok

Sorry about your DD. However, I suppose it's brought home to you what you want now i.e. more than a pen pal and sexting.

Your only option is to ask him to meet up. If he says no or prevaricates, you will at least know how he feels.

Yes, just say something along the lines of, I’m really enjoying our chats and it would be lovely to have one in person. Can you meet for coffee on x date?

If he says no move on (as hard as it will feel initially). Clear the way for someone who could be a RL partner.

I had a very similar situation last year except I was also meeting up with the guy - infrequently as he was always so busy. A few things happened and I had the same realisation as you, I wanted more than just flirtation/sexual banter. I felt I had to tell him otherwise I'd never get what I wanted, I knew it was a risk but I was willing to take it rather than continue with something which wasn't fulfilling me. I told him, he backed away, it ended up fading out. I was gutted at the time but have since met someone who wants the same as I do. Take the risk, either it will pay off or he will back away which frees you up to get what you actually need and want.

Yes just ask him and if he's not interested then start online dating.

Is he in a relationship? That’s the only reason I can think of that he hasn’t already asked you out.

I was thinking the same, that he must be in a relationship or he would have wanted to meet. Didn't you already suspect that? If you didn't, and you haven't asked him outright, I think you need to wise up before entering more relationships/OLD. Judging by other threads, it's brutal to those who believe everything on face value and don't get ruthless with timewasters looking for masturbation material.

I think you’re going to have to ask him. You might not get the answer you want though