I hate working for us

[JetGrind]

DH and I recently bought a small company. It was something he was far keener on than I was.

I stupidly got it into my head that I didn't want to stand in the way of something he really wanted to do, although when I raised any concerns he always told me it'd be fine. Our DC2 was only a couple of months old when he started the ball rolling, I'd had a horrible birth and to be honest I let things slide when I should have been much more forceful about the whole thing.

I've been working there a few months now and I hate it - despite DH promising that we'd be able to fit it around things, DC2 is now in nursery every day which I hate, and although DH has promised we'd find an extra staff member so I could do less this is proving to be easier to promise than do. Also, the business needs have turned out to be massively incompatible with school holidays.

I could try to find something else but we've invested a lot in the business, have secured a loan against our house and it needs a lot of work to modernise.

I'm really angry with DH to the point that he's just come in the door and started talking about business stuff and I can barely look at him. I just wish I could go back in time and refuse to go along with any of it. It's a big mess and I don't know what to do.

Your resentment is going to grow and will ultimately end in a barny. This won’t help in finding a resolution.

So, it’s probably worth having a sit down with your DH to tell him how you feel about working in the business. I think you can express regret about the decision but it is unfair to blame him. You need to own you willingness or passiveness in going along with the plan. But there is no point in doing this unless you are clear about what you now do want and how it can be achieved.

Do you want to sell the business and what will that mean financially or do you want to prioritise getting in staff to allow you time with your child. If so, you need to make this happen. Even if that takes time in the short term and you have to train them up. If you are taking a financial hit, then be clear on how this is affordable. Long term you might want to look at a career outside the business that fits around family life. This will add balance and reduce reliance on income from the business.

What is your legal status within the company? Are you a co-owner, a director, or salaried staff?

If the latter I'd be inclined to give him 4 weeks notice and resign. Look for something more compatible with school hours and that suits your skills and experience.

You sell this to him as "I'm really not enjoying the role and that means I'm indirectly undermining the venture. It will be much better for the company's future for you to hire someone who is enthusiastic and who has the correct skillset for the role."

Thanks @LemonTT

I've tried talking to him - to be honest I'd be delighted to chalk it up to being a mistake and sell it, even if we made a loss, but he doesn't want to do that. I've tried to get him to agree to sell it after 5 years so at least there'd be some sort of end in sight but he doesn't want to commit to that either.

He can be really thick skinned (it took a massive row about 5 weeks ago for him to even admit there were problems and that was after me repeatedly trying to talk things through). Things got slightly better after that but they're now back to not being great.

I thought we had a fairly solid marriage before this but I'm now going through phases of wondering how the kids would cope if I left. :(

I guess there's the business issues and then the DH issues.

Not leaving the kids obv, if I left the marriage.

I'm sure I'll be flamed for this:

Op, I think you need to look at this as a business/job that ultimately secures your families future.

I've read an awful lot from your original post about how you were supposed to or not to do less! Would that not mean that your DH has to do more? If you disagree with the original agreement,you have choices. If this new arrangement is not what you signed up for you have the following open to you:

Get a new job: Most/all jobs, apart from term time sch jobs,interfere with family life. Those parents who work full time always have to factor in half term and summer term covers /or nursery arrangements for their

Help your DH build up a family business that will benefit your family.

You start your own business that allows you the freedoms you need,business dependant.

You leave work altogether and dedicate yourself to being a full time SAHM. Using all the savings and assets you put in place in your younger years to support this lifestyle choice. Therefore contributing your 50% towards your mortgage/rent, bills, food, utilities and child rearing.

If you are well placed to do the last , then i do not see any reason why your DH would have an issue as you are still making your financial commitment, reducing his financial burden.

Nice loose tea with a tea strainer?

Since our eldest was born 7 years ago I've always worked, sometimes in two jobs plus extra projects on the side, and spent a chunk of that time being the main breadwinner when DH was made redundant and wanted to build up his own business rather than getting a more regular job.

I don't expect to be a SAHM (although we could have afforded me to stay off work for longer).

I guess I'm going to have to stick it out for a bit and either get DH to commit to sell it on and/or apply for other jobs - which I was already on the process of doing before DH decided he wanted to buy a business.

Op, no, If this arrangement does not agree with you, find a job you enjoy and that can support you and your dc/s.

If you are not happy in this situation you do not have sit tight. This is your life, make your changes and be free., be happy. Good luck Op and all power to you.