Close Friendship, Have we gone too far? I think we have

[Northernmonkey1970]

I have a thirty year friendship with a woman i grew up with, we have been friends all that time, we have supported each other through difficult times and both helped each other.
I moved away and went to say my goodbye before and she got very emotional, in the moment we told each other we loved each other.
We have always kissed each other, for hellos and goodbyes, but on this occasion we had a very passionate kiss and some, well what was foreplay, and then I left. Since then we meet up every few months, our kisses are starting to linger a bit longer than they, did, we hold hands crossing the road or passing through doors, and have done this for 20 odd years. we go out as a group sometimes with our circle of friends without our partners, they both know about our friendship, and have no bother with it. She has stated to become more tactile, putting my hand on her leg in restaurants, out of view, to feel her legs when wearing stockings, we have always had a fun view of our friendship, however, I feel it taking a turn, she sneaks kisses and out of view of our friends and they all know we kiss each other and they take the mickey out of us saying we should have got married when we were teenagers. Now recent meets have gathered pace and I'm worried we are almost crossing the line to an affair, ive made excuses not to visit, to avoid the situation, but she is becoming more and more' touchy feely'.
After all this time I don't want our special friendship to end but i feel we have crossed the line and are in a dangerous place.
I the past we have been drunk and had a few 'near misses' but never taken it further.
Is it time to cool it altogether. its a tricky one

How incredibly disrespectful to your partners and how tremendously irritating for your friends. That kind of groping under-the-table-look-everyone-aren't-we-naughty behaviour is tiresome enough when teenagers do it.

Are you for real, you are having a full blown affair and acting like two lust longing teenagers and you call that a friendship lol.

What a pair of scummy gits, out of view of our friends, but yet all your friends know (and are talking about you both behind your backs).

It's not a tricky one, you are getting off on having a bit on the side, all very predictable and sad tbh.

How would you feel if your partner groped and kissed someone else? The long friendship and gender isn't relevant, you are cheating.

The wide eyed faux innocent question is annoying

You know perfectly well you have crossed the line

After all this time I don't want our special friendship to end
Surely after 30 years of friendship you can talk to her about this.
Explain it's now crossing a line for you.
While you love her friendship that is all is can be.
No more kissing or groping under the table
Just remain friends and put a stop to all the nonsense.
It's not rocket science.
Unless you want this to go further, in which case you need to discuss that. And then both end things with your partners before pursuing a proper relationship.

reads like bi curious fanfiction. Think it is the stocking bit.

Thanks for your replies. this has been a smack in the face beyond expectation, its been going on so long it felt normal until recently. Thats it my mind is clear. It stops today.

@HowlsMovingBungalow I thought the same.

I think you posted your story on the wrong site

Do your partner's get to find out about you cheating? Or do they just continue none the wiser?

Hellsbellsmelons, you are right and have hit the nail on the head. we used to be just friends and a quick hello/ goodbye peck on the cheek was as for as it went. Our families are close too which makes it worse. I hope we can turn the clock, back stop from today, and return to how thngs used to be

Why don’t you tell your husband what you’ve been up to first and let him decide if he’s happy to stay married to you knowing what you’ve been up to.

My best friend is male. I see him every few months. We say we love each other and we always greet and part with a kiss and hug. However, that's where it begins and ends and it will always be platonic. He is great friends with my DH (we all socialise together) and they're like brothers. You have crossed a line and need to knock this on the head. There is no going back to how you were.

It’s an affair, it would upset your partner and you are doing it in secret to get a thrill. If you love and respect your OH you will stop immediately and go cold turkey. If she complains about that (she will) you need to be strong as she DOES know what you are both doing is wrong.

Just a side thought, you evidently don’t see her as your next partner but she may well see you as hers. If her relationship is in trouble (and you may not know, even if you are close) she may be looking for an out and you’re it. I say this as I’m sat back watching this exact mess play out in front of me for a guy who pulled away from a relationship after it over stepped boundaries only for 4 weeks. Unfortunately she was a lot more invested and was looking to leave her DH. 6 months later she still plays her face and subtle digs even though the guys wife knows. He keeps her blocked and has to keep reminding her he’s not “that friend” anymore. It’s exhausting for all parties and painful for the betrayed spouses.