Really worried

[Shlbxx]

I'm not here to be judged, I'm here for people who want to give me advice.

December 2018 I cheated on my boyfriend, he found out and instantly ended the relationship, whilst histerically crying he packed his stuff and went back to his house.

He blocked me on everything, but I managed to get hold of him and I explained how much of a mistake it was and how much I love him and realise how much I really do love him now (which isn't an excuse I know). He wouldn't talk for a few days then suddenly replied but was angry and expressed how he felt, he said he needed time.

He then offered to take me for dinner to speak about things, it was nice and I was so happy he decided to take a step forwards. He then wanted to stay at my house and we slept together, with no problems. He then explained the next day he wanted to get back on track to get back together and he forgave me because I was "drunk" and he knew I wasn't that sort of girl in general. I then got a message from a girl that I'm briefly friends with that I'm not keen on and he isn't keen on, she told me he was messaging her at the time of our split asking to see her and take her out and saying how pretty she was, I asked him about it and he said it was just to feel good about him self, self satisfaction for what I did.

I'm not sure if I'm paranoid but isn't forgiving someone in 5 days very quick? I'm extremely happy but I've never seen this before. I have no right but I'm so worried he has either cheated on me in the 2 years we was together (we have had problems in the past with him talking flirty with women that I never knew about till a few months later) but never known if he's actually ever cheated. Or if he got revenge in the few days we wasn't together when I cheated, but hasn't told me. He doesn't act sad, angry or hurt at all he's very much clingy and not paranoid. Is this normal?? Surely you'd still be hurt and very distrusting. He's completely fine with me.

I would be still be hurt.
Blimey, I am still am, 10 years on.
But for me cheating is a deal-breaker.
For your DP it doesn't appear to be.
So I can't begin to understand how his mind is working or what he's done.
But, please please please end this now.
He flirts with other girls. You have no idea if it's gone over into physical cheating (probably).
You cheated on him.
You are 2 years in.
It should NOT be this hard.
With the right person, none of this would be happening.
None of this is normal.
It's not good for either of you.
Get out now and move on and find someone who won't flirt with other women and a person you never want to cheat on!

You cheated on him. It’s made you realise that anyone is capable of cheating and consequently, you don’t know who to trust. You messed up.

Soms guys are better at forgiving cheating - is that a sign that he does it too? Maybe. He’ll certainly feel more entitled to do so now, if that’s the case.

It's not right but he might have just done it to block out the emotions and or as an ego boost. I agree with @MostlyBoastly now that you've cheated it will eat away at you, you might project onto him when he hasn't done anything. It will take longer than 5 days to sort out. The worst thing will be just to get back and sweep it under thr rug, you both need to talk and see if you can start afresh, you will need to start the relationship off again and build the trust back up.

@Sausage101 thing is he was the one that asked for me back, saying he's realised after what I done and how hurt he was by it that I'm the only one he wants ever in his life, it's been fine ever since. He hasn't brought it up and he seems very much happy with me, no arguments nothing. Not sure why he's so fine with it

I agree with what has been said above. He's done it due to feeling hurt. Not right at all, but I would worry about the quick turn around. And if he text her, did he text anyone else. Is it guilt that's caused it

I would try and ease back a bit and make sure things have been talked through.

OP you are only hearing what you want to hear....as I suspect he is. You haven't been together long, sound quite young (Not a criticism!) and doesn't sound like you have DC.
In short- there is no good reason for either of you to stay together after cheating. Please read some of the threads on here from people trapped after 15, 20, 25 years together when the red flags were there at the beginning ( and if I'm honest, me included). Get out now and meet someone you don't feel the need to cheat on.

He might have shagged about a bit in the interim. It’s not really your business.

I agree with PP, get out. But since you won’t, it is possible he’s this to bed. Don’t want to make any sweeping generalisations, but lots of men are good at compartmentalising and shutting down feelings. Scarily good.

So do you guys think it's more likely he's forgived so quickly because he's shut down/blocked his feelings, or because deep down he knows he has no right to punish me and not be with me cause he has done the dirty too? Baring in mind he absolutely hates talking about his feelings and he always has. I'm 22 years old, no children. I'm not that young to be in a playground relationship.

It isn't exactly eating me away, I'm just concerned as to why he's all of a sudden okay but was hysterically crying and hurt at the time it happened.

Also The girl he was texting asked to meet up with him but he refused, if he wanted to sleep around surely he'd of taken that chance?

Men who cry hysterically are a bit of a turn off TBH. (Women also) What actual action points did he agree to?

He is probably still in shock. I doubt he has processed what happened. He may well change his mind, which I think would be for the best. I would not like to be with someone who cheated and then, rather than being remorseful, tried to find some reason to drag me down to their level. Own your mistake. Hopefully he will see the light of day.

People deal with cheating differently. Some block it out and don't want it mentioned again...as they wish to move forward.

From experience most men don't like to talk about it that much... its usually women who want the details and to talk about it more.

If you're happy with him... then leave it be.

I admit I compartmentalize to a fault and it probably drives my wife crazy. I can tell you if my wife cheated and I chose to forgive her, it would probably be a quick decision, and I would not be talking about it or having daily discussions. I would have made up my mind and moved on. Once again part of my faulty compartmentalizing things. So, in a way I can see where he is coming from, but I would also say it is not always the most healthy way to live.