Hi, I really need some advice because my head is spinning. Sorry about such a long post!!
2 years ago i gave birth to my second daughter (i have 2 girls now)
3 weeks after the birth the police were knocking on my door asking to see my husband (he worked away) they wouldn't tell me anything and then SS turned up.
A couple of weeks later when my husband returned the police arrested him for the rape of a child (historical - 33 years ago). He would have been 15 and the girl in question would have been 3 years old at the time. The police took all our electronic devices and did an investigation. The kids were place on a child protection order and my husband wasnt allowed to be left alone with our girls or attend to any of their personal care.
6 months later the police told us there was no evidence against him and dropped the case. In the mean time my husband had driven himself insane with worry, tried to commit suicide etc.
We decided to move to another country and start afresh. That was over 2 years ago. Last year i felt like he had changed and i like i didnt recognise him anymore, when i tried to talk to him he just told me he was tired and stressed with work.
He buried himself in gaming staying up until 2am, if he wasnt doing that his face was always in phone and then i realised he was looking at porn everyday a few times a day . He was late for work one day and when i walked in the bedroom he was in there wanking!
One day i asked him to look after the girls while i popped to the shop (i was only gone 20 minutes)my eldest said she was hungry as i was leaving and he said he would sort her lunch out. But when i returned my daughter was still complaining about being hungry, he had disappeared upstairs and was looking at porn instead of looking after them. I was raging mad especially when i saw that one of the links said 'daddy, daughter, vintage porn' which he claimed he hadnt searched for but it must have popped up!
So a massive argument ensued in which he told me 'What really gets me going is young Asian women, not mature women' -not nice to hear when you are about to turn 40!! and then he told that if i stopped him looking at porn that he HAVE to start visiting prostitutes!!!!
I was broken and totally dejected with it all and didnt know what to do. I tried to carry on as normal but i started to hate him more and more everyday. we havent had sex in over a year because i havent found a contraceptive pill that works for me and i had asked him to get a vasectomy - which he never did and he wont wear a condom!
I picked up his phone one day last month and all these images flashed up of naked women and i was so angry. My kids could have seen those. He acted like it was no big deal so i decided i would keep an eye on his browsing (yes i decided to spy - i know im a horrible person)
Anyway last week i saw some searches for a young actresses name and he had been looking at her naked (i know these aren't really photos of her they have been photoshopped but she is under 18) and then there were searches for naturists (basically photos of naked kids) - nothing sexual but still naked kids!! and then there were rape videos too (not of kids). I went crazy and confronted him.
his response was ' i knew you were spying on me and thats why i looked at those things so you would confront me and i would know for definite'
is this guy nuts?
I asked him why he would risk being arrested just to see if i was spying on him, but he claims the things he has looked at are not illegal (we arent in the UK) Anyway we obviously had another massive argument and ive told him that because of this i cannot trust him to be alone with our kids and that i want to leave and get a divorce. if he is telling the truth then he thinks its ok to play mind games with me and thats really messed up. If he is lying then i need to keep my kids well away from him.
He seems genuinely shocked that ive lost all trust in him and i cant believe he would be so stupid and not think things would end this way. he is asking me to stay but i honestly dont know if i can put up with this garbage anymore. we have been together a long time and im shocked by his behaviour and ive told him he needs therapy
Advice please ladies and please be gentle x