I’m 5 months pregnant with my second child. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. Pretty much since the beginning of our relationship he has always told white lies but ever since we got married, 6 years ago, the lies have gotten worse. He lies about everything from whether he’s submitted the metre readings to what country he’s in for work. It’s got to the point that I can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. Today, HMRC showed up at our front door it turns out that he owes them £15k. I had no idea about it. I confronted him when he got home and he told me he couldn’t tell me because I would have kicked off. This is what happens all the time. If he does something wrong, it’s always my fault. I make him lie. He doesn’t lie because he chooses to lie. He lies because of me. Nothing is his fault.
I’ve kicked him out into the spare room and I’m seriously contemplating what to do. I don’t want to throw 11 years (a third of my life) away but I can hardly look at him, let alone have any kind of connection anymore. I feel totally trapped though. My contract comes to an end with work soon and I will only get statutory maternity leave so I can’t afford to be by myself. But being in this relationship is affecting my mental health. I suffered from post partum with my first daughter and I already feel hopeless. I can honestly say if I wasn’t pregnant, it would have hurt myself by now. I just can’t cope with how sad I feel. He makes me feel pathetic, stupid, small, worthless, pointless. To the outside world, he is a wonderful man who helps everybody and is a very good father. But he’s a terrible husband. I’m very much alone. I do the housework. Cooking, cleaning, organise our lives, do Christmas, birthdays, everything for our daughter (he baths her etc but not the washing or any of the proper stuff to organise her life). He routinely lets me down at Christmas, Mother’s Day, birthday. I don’t even get cards. And that is usually my fault too...
But I feel like if I throw this relationship away then I’m letting my children down. I feel like I’ve failed. I wasn’t good enough to be respected and told the truth. I couldn’t make their dad love me enough or compromise enough to make the marriage work. Please help but please be sensitive. I’m feeling very fragile. xx