Flying monkeys - just want to unpack a bit (long, sorry)

[MrsRussell]

So I've posted in the toxic families thread on the matter of my NSDM (Not So Dear Mama) previous: she's a geriatric alcoholic, she's not an unpleasant one, she's just chaotic, self-destructive and needy. Currently in hospital having drunk herself into yet another internal haemorrhage, which I will learn to spell one day, and in a real and practical sense she's not my problem.
She attracts a whole bloody host of flying monkeys - vampire bats, more like - emotional and financial parasites basically, all of whom of course only want the best for her and blah. One of whom is a particular pain in the arse because she was my childhood best friend - tells everyone she's my sister (... she isn't, obvs) rings the hospital saying she's NSDM's second daughter, tells NSDM that "leave her (ie me) to me, I'll sort her out".
Last night phone call from this goit "wanting to talk about mum, it's important".
Actually it's not. If it was important, the hospital would have contacted me. You're just going to tell me "but she's your mum, you can't just...", you're just poking your nose into your own personal EastEnders script. Same script as ever from someone who has no concept of alcoholism. So I blocked her.

It feels wrong. It feels really passive-aggressive to me, as if I'm just going "lalalala not LISTENING!" NSDM blocks people that she doesn't want to engage with as a sort of weak escape - if I can't hear you you don't exist - and I've always said to her, people contact you because they're concerned, and if you don't answer the phone they feel justified in ramping up the contact. And it feels like that's what I'm doing, just hiding by not talking to the flying monkey.

Does it get better? Or shall I just front it out and tell her to fuck off?

Blimey, Mrs. I’m sure someone more helpful than me will be along in a minute, but didn’t want to read n run. What’s your relationship with the FM when your mum’s not involved? Anything or nothing?

It’s certainly worth telling her to back off.

I have a childhood friend and he sees my mother as a second mother, but he acknowledged that he can now see how destructive she was to me. He was a witness to it even though, like me, he didn’t understand it, he now does.

Tell her that she should respect your decision, stop talking about it or you will block her and she is more then welcome to step up and take over her care.

Also, is she someone you want in your life now as a friend? Depending on that answer, you can change your wording

Nothing! I can't bloody stand the woman! We have nothing in common, precisely zip.

Great. Be brutal.

She if all people should understand how toxic your mother is, she needs to stop pressuring you and back off. You will block her if she insists on continuing and she is welcome to have her own dealings with your mum but she is to leave you out of it.

Or just ‘fuck off’

Tell her to fuck off and I would also tell the hospital that she is not family and she is not to be given any information about your mother and that if they do you will be seeking legal advice.

Well that will make it easy for you when you tell her to jog on

You’ve blocked her. That’s a wonderful step forward. Well done you.

Get in touch with the hospital and explain this woman isn’t a relative and shouldn’t be allowed access to medical information, but obviously if she wishes to visit as a friend that’s fine.

Then take yourself out for a treat.