Hand holding to leave partner

[Anon4567]

Hi all

I've previously posted a few days ago regarding my partner's emotional abuse in the relationship and that I've reached my breaking point:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3497722-Emotional-abuse

I've contacted Women's Aid for further advice and gave everything set to leave ASAP and return home.

He's now switched to being kind and considerate. He's cooking dinner, trying to be romantic, making plans for our future and promising he's going to respect my boundaries more and "make things better".

I've been through a lot of emotions over the last few months and particularly the last few days but now I'm doubting myself and my own sanity that the abuse is as bad as it is. I'm even feeling guilt that he's going to return home and I'll be gone, with a brief note saying that I'm leaving because I can't take it anymore. I'm doubting I'm doing the right thing. I even have a voice in my mind that I must be exaggerating the abuse for attention, which I'm not.

I've now taken steps to confide in my two closest friends in work and my line manager. It was so difficult to finally be honest but they've been so supportive. I've become an expert in hiding and downplaying his behaviour.

Partner has been making statements such as "You do love me don't you?' and"I don't know what I'd do without you". He even tried to say I asked something (which aims 100% didn't) and joked "Do you know what they call that? It's called gaslighting" this terrified me that he somehow knew.

I feel completely numb but terrified about his reaction. I know I'm very vulnerable at this point. He will go mad because I've left behind his back and that ice taken the cat.

Women's Aid have been excellent about notifying 101 and how to manage contact. I feel like I'm not present in myself and I'm watching myself go through the motions with him until I can leave later today. Almost like an out of body experience.

Please help me stay strong.

You're doing the right thing and if I were in your shoes I would be doing exactly the same.

Don't let the doubts creep in, you know you need to leave for your greater good.

I promise once you leave things will get better and you will eventually be back to your normal self.

You're so strong, you've got this x

Are you happy? No, you're not.
Is this likely to change? No, it isnt.
So what are you waiting for?
Just go, and take the cat.

Keep running through anlistnin your head of all the worst things
Reread your thread. Know that you are a decent person being treated so badly that he's no longer your friend, he does t have your back, and he's hoping his coercion, with the hoovering wil get you back in line, but its all coercion, the good and the bad. It's all he is. He hadn't waited guilts on you you are saving yourself by getting out.

Keep strong and keep reminding yourself of the horrors he's put you through!

You can do this, and sounds like you have done really well getting this far with support...tell him whatever you need to just to get through this final push.

Remember this is how you wanted it, but how he's made it, he's destroyed it, so you can walk free guilt free.

Imagine there's an army of MNers marching with you to help you March out the door

You must leave. He'll only revert back to his usual abuse sooner or later, if you stay. Take the cat with you. Cat deserves better too.

Leave with your cat and the absolute certainty you are doing the right thing. We are with you. Look forward, not back. Your new life awaits. We only get one. Choose to spend yours free of abuse.

You’ve been so strong this far - just a little further and you’re away and safe with your family.
And you can then rebuild your life with their suppprt. Just a little further. You can do it.

I read your previous thread. You are absolutely doing the right thing and well done for confiding in others.

It's all in place.
Now you just have to have faith and trust in yourself.
Stop listening to his voice in your head.
Your family sound wonderful and they will help you rebuild your life.
Get away today, as planned
You got this!!!!
Good luck.
And here's to a new life free of this abuse where you can now be you and find yourself again

Indeed look forward and not back. The darkness before the dawn is where you are at now but you can push through that.

You and the cat deserve a life free of abuse. Remember too that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.