Girlfriend texting habits [LDR]

[stressedinthought]

Hi All,

Do any of you get hung up on little things with texting with your partners? Especially in my case of long distance. So for me the little details matter.

Such things as:

1. Length/effort of text in response to what you’ve sent
2. Unpredictable/random reply times
3. What appears like hot and cold messsges on occasions
4. Less use of pet names in relationships. “Sugar” “Honey” “Babe” etc.

We text everyday throughout the day when we’re free. I feel on edge and anxious until I get that next message from her it’s become habitual. I feel completely reliant on waiting for that message to come in to provide a sense of validation/reassurance. Crazy I know.. I’m far more emotionally sensitive than she is. I’m the more lovey dovey partner and she acknowledges this also and has tried to reassure me not to look into things with the messaging but it’s hard for me.

I know this may sound petty for some so please be gentle. I see my GF twice a month. So digital communication is all I have to feel affection/connected. She moved back home a few months ago. She’s in Newcastle and I’m in Portsmouth.

Your thoughts / experiences are welcomed!

Thank you.

I am in your girlfriends position. Except whilst DP is more "lovey dovey" he isn't paranoid so it isn't an issue.
We saw each other less than you two for several years but now a bit more (once a week).

Apologies I don't have any advice as to how to get over it, just to trust what she says. Maybe she is in a bad mood sometimes, but it doesn't have to be anything to do with you. Continuing to dissect the timing and content of her messages will push her away. Keep yourself busy with other things so that you're never hanging around waiting for her message.

It doesn't sound like a LDR is going to be easy for you

We are in similar situation. My bf is a lot more communicative via texting and sending emojis and random things. Texting is sometimes a pain. Sometimes I don't feel like texting. Sometimes I'm concentrating. Sometimes I'm annoyed that I have to text instead of being able to see each other. Sometimes I'd rather wait till the evening when we talk to explain something. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to humans. In general I'm just less loveydovey person and I don't read int9o texting too much.

My bf brings up how in the last 5 times I haven't put an x in the end of a message
Or haven't sent a heart back. I haven't noticed. It hasn't pcxured to me. There is no hidden meanings. When we lived together we didn't communicate the whole evening. We would have dinner and then spend times in separate rooms without it being weird. But when apart I dont have the urge to text like he does. So could be nothing.

Yes, it's crazy

I would run an absolute mile from you

Sorry OP but I absolutely couldn't cope with how you're behaving.

I think you need to work on building up your self-esteem and resilience so you're not reliant on a message from your GF to give you validation and reassurance. That's a hell of a burden to place on her. Reassurance about what? That she's thinking about you? I'm sure she is, but she'll also be thinking about work, how her friend who's having a problem is feeling, is she coming down with that lurgy that's going round, whether she's got anything in for dinner...and all the other myriad things that people think about throughout a day.

What you don't want is for her to start to think of texting you as a chore that she has to do because otherwise you'll bombard her with texts / act needy / have a huff / accuse her of having someone else. Ask yourself what you're so afraid of if she doesn't text back for a while. If you can't trust that she cares about you without constant reassurance, then maybe a LDR isn't for you...or perhaps any relationship until you're feeling better and more confident about yourself.

I am in the exact same situation as you. I am the one feeling insecure. We had a lot of fights over this, but I had to realise it is a problem I have and it would be over the top to expect my bf to adjust to my neediness. It is work you have to do within yourself and find coping strategies and maybe find ways to soothe yourself. I couldn't advise what that may be - I was in therapy when this came up. Depending on how much you suffer you may want to consider therapy. The LDR is just one thing where your insecurities show. If it wasnt the LDR they would find another way out.

Take a close look at yourself. See what you can reasonably negotiate with your gf, and where you have to sort things out for yourself.

I understand all four points of yours. I do exactly the same. Its been almost two hours since I last heard from bf. Why has he been so quiet this week, he hasn't told me I mean the world to him in two weeks, etc. It's my problem and it's hard, but I know I cannot confront him all the time as it will make him run.