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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friends with Benefits/ Ex

6 replies

sher77 · 05/02/2019 15:42

Hi,

I just want some advice on a situation.

I started seeing my ex boyfriend from 15 years ago last August. We met for a drink and our relationship was always very 'sexual' and we ended up going back to his place.

I've seen him three times since August (he travels a lot between London and Italy).

I've been going through a divorce/ separation from my husband and to cut a long story short, my ex was making me taking me back to the person I was before (my husband has been physically and emotionally abusive, always putting me down, cant do anything right, etc).

When I was going through my divorce initially, my ex backed off as he didn't want to get in the middle of anything. I also knew I wasn't ready for anything emotionally.

My ex has made it clear (as did I) that we didn't want anything but fun, no commitment and no strings attached (He's planning to leave the UK at some point).

However, the last time we met on the weekend (I've now moved out of my martial home and going through the divorce process), we were supposed to meet for a few hours and he asked to stay the night and we ended up having a lot of fun (not just sex) and he initiated cuddling and spooning in bed (things that didn't happen before and I know is very intimate for him as he's bit of a closed book).

We were together for four years and I am sure there is chemistry there. He was telling me things from the past and when I said I'd remembered he said he was testing me to see if I'd remembered. We also chat about the past a bit like first experiences etc.

I know he's leaving and its casual, but I think I maybe getting the feels for him and maybe him for me, but I'm not sure.

If I text him, he responds within minutes and he just seems very keen now I am separated.

We have so much in common and I just think its strange that we've come together after so long and still seem to like each other.

It could be that he's doing the same with other women (but I'm pretty certain we have a connection that's deeper than sex!).

He came over on Sunday at 7pm and left at 11am on Monday.

I don't want a relationship, don't know what I want, but I think I like him and want to avoid getting hurt.

Anyone else had this type of experience and any thoughts on this situation?

Be gentle with me, I really need to look at positives and not negatives of this situation. Thank you x

OP posts:
sher77 · 05/02/2019 15:51

Oh and we were together for 4 years!

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 05/02/2019 16:16

Slightly different in the fact that my ex is married and I'm in a LTR, so effectively we're having an affair. We were a couple over 25 years ago, then rekindled last May, purely for sex, but like you, he now wants to spend the whole night and talks about feelings. I'm sitting here to see what wise words people come up for you, because I'm in a bit of a pickle with it all.

sher77 · 05/02/2019 16:34

Oooh interesting! Do you have feelings for him? I thought 15 years was a long time...25 ...Wow!

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 05/02/2019 16:41

I do have slight feelings for him, but I wouldn't leave my partner for him. It's funny, it's like stepping back in time, I feel 25 years younger when I'm with him!

Dirtybadger · 05/02/2019 16:44

If you don't want a relationship or to get hurt then you need to find another FWB because this won't work for what you want.

sher77 · 05/02/2019 16:52

Yes, I feel exactly the same..

OP posts:
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