Should I trust my partner?

[stres]

I need some advice.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 2 years. We don't live together and have children from previous relationships.
My two children are struggling to accept him and don't speak when he visits. This has made things very difficult but I have persevered as he means a lot to me.
I have met two of his children from his previous marriage, however I have not met his youngest child from another relationship.
This did seem strange to me but he doesn't see him often once during the week and alternate weekends.
However last week it transpired that it was his sons birthday but he had never mentioned this. This struck me as odd and I got the feeling he was withholding something from me. I spoke to him about how strange I found this when I share everything going on with him. I asked him to be honest with me. He eventually shared with me the fact his son has a disability that he has never told me about. I am really hurt that he wouldn't tell me this as it makes no difference to me and doesn't change anything. What I am now questioning is whether I should trust him. I am very apprehensive as my ex husband was consistently cheating on me which I didn't realise during the marriage. My partner knows all this and how much I need trust in our relationship.
Should I end it? If he can't be honest about something as significant as this for two years what else is he capable of withholding or lying about? Should I continue to persevere when I also know my children are not happy about the relationship and don't accept him?

I don't understand why he didn't tell you, what was his reason?

2 years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone and not share that.

How involved is he with the child? I think that would bother me just as much as him withholding it from you (if he's not very involved)

Thank you for your post

He said he was scared I wouldn't want him. I would never be so unkind or shallow.

Yes it really is s long time and has made me question everything. He was crying and apologetic when he told me.

He is as involved as he can be as he had to go to court to get access when the relationship ended. He was given access and never fails to have him. He is a very good dad to all three but by his own admission has a different relationship with his youngest child as doesn't see him as much as he has not lived with him since he was a baby. He had shared custody of his two older children and is very committed and a good Dad.

Well he has already shown that you cannot trust him not to lie by omission. Under those circumstances it would only make sense to be wondering what else he hasn't told you, and what else he would keep secret in future.

It does sound like a complicated set up with all the children.

I would be more concerned that after two years your child still won't talk to him.

Yes it is complicated and I'm worried that I maybe continuing to upset my own children by staying in the relationship. Particularly, if it turns out he's not worth it. Other than this though, which is pretty huge he is so kind to me and actually really thoughtful about helping me with my children and life in general.
Confused !!!

I didn't actually introduce my children to him until July as I wanted to be certain about the relationship

Dear stres,

His 'reason' actually indicates at best that he doesn't trust you or has a low opinion of you.

At worst it indicates someone who valued a budding relationship as more important than his child, rather than seeing that any woman who ended a relationship due to him having a disabled child would not be the right woman for him.

And now he is trying to use his deception (along with the tears and apologies) to manipulate you into 'proving him wrong' in thinking you would reject him over his disabled son.

This may sound fanciful, but it's a pretty common manoevre amongst toxic types.

In combination with him not getting on with your children, I'd be struggling to continue this if I were you.

My two children are struggling to accept him and don't speak when he visits. This has made things very difficult but I have persevered as he means a lot to me

I’d end it based on this alone but given that he’s lied to you as well, I’d have no hesitation. Your poor children. I’d be suspicious of his readon for lying too.

Not sure how he is helping you with the children when they won’t speak to him?

He helps in terms of practical stuff eg. collecting Christmas presents for me.
He only stays once a week while they are here and other than that They don't see him. This does upset him as he is keen to get the opportunity to know them.

Have the Christmas presents delivered instead of having him there and make your children happy at the same time.

I don't think my children will like anyone I was to get involved with. They are used to having me to themselves. I have reassured them that I love them and me having a boyfriend doesn't change anything.

They don't seem to mind their Dad having girlfriends. I think he has had 5 this year and introduced them to two.

I mean in the last 12 months not since January

Hasn't it occured to you that he might be apprehensive too? After all it isn't going great between him and your kids and he knows that will turn into a deal breaker if it carries on.

Dealing with a disabled child is hard and talking about it to others can leave you feeling very vulnerable. Yes it is disappointing that he hasn't told you till now but you are only 6 monthd out from your kids meeting him for the first time.

Hopoindown31
Thank you for your comments and yes you are right that does put a different perspective on it. It is also actually what I want to believe as I just can't bring myself to think he is not a good person.
I'm just very scared of being lied to again and being made a fool of, as was the case with my ex husband