I posted about this before but I am posting again because I am still struggling with it. I hope that’s ok.
In September last year I started dating someone, we met up once a week, usually at the weekends. I wasn’t massively into it from day one as he seemed to be, but I did like him. He seemed really calm and straightforward compared with my abusive ex. I did tell the new guy (let’s call him Neil), a bit about my ex (relevant later). I had only ended things with the ex in early summer last year so was keen to go slowly with someone new for this reason as well.
Anyway he went on a stag do in October, after I had seen him 3 times. He messaged constantly, always asking if I was ok every hour, I had to say please stop this feels inappropriate and is making me uncomfortable. He then said he was doing it to re assure me as he didn’t want to do anything wrong like my ex did 
at this time he said he wanted to be exclusive and if I was dating anyone else then that was that because he couldn’t see me at the same time. I liked him and although I didn’t think we were at a point to be exclusive, I agreed to only date him and see how it went.
Things came to a head in December when we went away for a weekend to stay with my brother for his 40th party. My family are welcoming and it wasn’t a big deal (to me or to them!) that I brought someone along. He was utterly charming to my family . After the weekend on the Sunday he wanted me to come back to his as I had Monday off. I think we had previously talked about me maybe doing that. Anyway over the weekend he made various crass remarks about people (not my family) that I found distasteful and to be honest I just wanted to go home and take a step back from things and enjoy my day off work in my own house. He went crazy at this. Said I was messing him around and that I was using him and I had given him mixed messages. We had a huge argument and he stormed off to get the train home without me. Literally minutes before hed beeen chatting away to my family like I was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
I saw him again after that after he cried on the train home and begged me to forgive him. He said he didn’t like uncertainty and he had felt that he was being messed around regardless of whether that was actually true or not, it was how he felt. At this point I know I should have walked away. Instead I gave it another go and said that I just needed things to slow down a bit adlnd maybe not see each other every weekend. For the next few weeks he said all sorts to me, going from one minute being normal to the next accusing me of using him and saying things like...
Im crazy and deserved my abuisve ex, he wouldn’t be able to hold feelings for me if he didn’t see me regularly (when I had said let’s not commit to every weekend together at the start), I’m weird and odd, nobody has ever broken up with him before and I must have problems, he is angry at himself because he dismissed a girl who he is sure would have been perfect for him but chose me instead, I used him emotionally and financially...it goes on and on.
He works in a highly paid job with people from very poor backgrounds with a very low IQ. This has meant he has said on many occasions he can read me and is supremely emotionally intelligent and this is shown by his job.
I’m posting because I’m sad that this happened and feel like on some level maybe I caused it like he says I have? I know rationally he has been horrible but did I deserve it? How did I end up with him after I was so sure to be slow with someone after my ex?!