I've posted on here before at the start of the year, when my partner and i were having some relationship issues.
In short, in November we welcomed a new baby to our family. My partner already has an 8 year old from a previous relationship, who i see as my own and she always calls me daddy - her dad is ok with this because she knows that she is happy.
Anyway - over the past few weeks we've had some strains.
- starting with my partner thought i was over helping and intrusive during the first couple of weeks, always on hand doing things for her and baby. She said she felt i made her feel like she was doing it wrong.
i reassured her time and again on this that wasnt the case, im a new dad so im trying my best to be the best that i can be. i dont want to be a dad thats on the sidelines.
- on this day she mentioned that (which was the evening) in the earlier evening my cousins and her husband and 2 kids came to visit us. Because we had just had an arguement on this, my partner stayed upstairs during their visit. I intentionally chose not to disturb her, because she is a hot head and always said before she just wants to be left in peace - so i did just that. Infact, i was offended she never came down. But she see's it that other way around, that i made her feel like she just carried my child and thats it.
- she has also started to say i treat the girls different - i never once felt like i was, but i guess it's how she see's it. So i took that on board.
- my mum also sent a text to her asking if she wanted to babysit baby so we could go out. the text was followed with did erin go to her dads. So the night my mum offered, is the night it would just have been baby. however, my partner saw this as two different things - only offering to baby her natural granddaughter, and not the eldest. The eldest see's her dad a lot, so my partner assumed she meant a different time. So my partner felt my mum was leaving her out. we had a massive arguement over this. i supported my partner but made it known we did say the eldest would be with her dad and my mum was simply asking if that was the case.
- my partner feels that i only ever consider me and not her. this is the big bit of our issue right now. She says when it comes to sex, i only ever want it when i want. when it comes to doing things its only ever on my terms.
first off i was never one for arranging for us to do things, she was always planning. She actually got fed up with me not arranging things, so i said a few weeks ago id take charge and do that. so far i've arranged for us all to do bowling, me and the eldest to have some us time with a nature walk and cinema - in fact my partner encourage that time and then complained after because we were too long! I've also got us a national trust membership so we can all do family walks. We've booked a couple of holidays, one for just us, and then a family one. and in the coming weeks we'll be starting a garage conversion. Over the weekend she received a letter about her car finance, it seemed way over what was agreed a year ago. i said i'd give them a call - which i forgot yesterday! she let her frustration be known = i only ever care about me!
- over the past few weeks during the night my partner complains of how hot it is, so doesnt want me to cuddle up to her. because we have baby in moses basket next to our bed she lays facing that side.
i tend to sleep that side during the weekends and i did again last night (monday work night) and during the night she complained that i dont cuddle her, only care about baby. and only want sex on my terms. I was like hold on - im facing baby side like you would! and i may want sex when i want it, but you dont instigate any foreplay to suggest you want. i dont get a hint you want!
- in fairness too and this is my bad, is that i dont have many close friends. i have uni friends from 15 years ago who i message in group chat. and one actually lives around the corner. and considering how close he lives, we have rarely seen them. I've never been one to go and get meet ups with friends, but i should be more active on this with a family.
My partner sees this as keeping two worlds seperate! which i can see, but for me i've just never been fussed with arranging things. all i can do is change that.
- over the weekend my partner had her ex around, they are on good terms especially as he is dad to eldest. i apparently killed the mood when they were laughing and joking. and she had a go at me for that, saying im not funny in any way, im too serious and she likes his company because he always makes her laugh > i'd never felt so 2nd rated!
My partner is a self-confessed hot head (and red). she always lets her opinion be known, in fact, it is very difficult i find to have an opinion because she always signs off with "well that's how i feel" or "well that's my opinion".
I should point out that my partner has very few blood relations, she was adopted at young age and that family live close. she has a brother who is very unwell and just got back into a toxic relationship to extent that we wont see him with his partner because that partner told lies about my partner.
over the weekend too, our eldest said something nasty about my partner not having her dad around! and my partner also noticed her hair was falling out in clumps.....
I feel that i am taking a lot of heat from my partner and trying my best to be the best man i can be. i have my faults that is for sure, but i love my girls and they are my priority. i love my partner with all my heart and always tell her this.
we know having baby is going to be difficult times ahead but the rewards are there as we progress. tonight we were meant to have a date night, but not sure that is going to happen now - partner says she wants me sleeping downstairs!
i'm not really sure what i am asking of this post, if anything - it's a chance for me to vent and put my thoughts down. but i'd welcome any feedback the forum has.
(ps, i dont know any acronyms used so if responding please use full text - thank you).