Sorry for the long post but In short I have had two serious relationships in the last 11 years. Both I have been very much in love with and If anything now looking back I held them on a pedestal as I knew they weren't good for me. Both if them lied from the beginning. In the end both cheated on me. Withheld affection. Gave me plenty of reasons not to trust them. Yet it took me a lot of time and heartbreak to get over them.
Fast forward to now. I have been single for just under a year and now there is someone in my life who ticks every single box.
You know The letter that Jane and Michael write in Mary Poppins that flies up the chimney and brings them everything they asked for? Well he's like that. He's everything sent to me that I believe I deserve and what everyone has ever told me I would have one day after those two idiots ruined my self esteem, confidence and belief in being happy again.
He loves me and treats me like a queen. There is equality in the relationship. No lovebombing, no rushing, no pressure. Everything has been so much fun so far. He makes me laugh so much. He cuddles me and holds my hand, he kisses me in public and doesn't make me feel like he's ashamed of me. He compliments me on everything and tells me never ever to change myself for anyone even when I feel I do things that have made the past two men embarrassed. Silly things like karaoke etc. His tall, blue eyes, doesn't smoke, enjoys everything I do, he even introduced me to his mum and seemed proud to do so. She was lovely and made me feel at ease immediately and we got on so well.
The other two men I feel I fell for instantly and was terrified of losing them from the off. I would get butterflies when they messaged etc.
This guy is everything and yet I can't feel that spark. I look forward to seeing him and enjoy my time with him but there are a couple of things he does every now and again that aren't big deals at all but make me cringe a tiny bit. Again they aren't massive things and I don't want him to change who he is.
What I'm asking is, is this normal? Am I experiencing what falling in love should be like rather than being love bombed and tricked into a false sense of security. I'm enjoying getting to know him and I want to see where it goes and I'm hoping that over time I will eventually fall hard for him and be able to ignore the little things that make me cringe a little. I'm just worried because I don't feel that intense urge to quickly reply to his messages and I thought that is what it should be like early days. Also the other two guys I ended up paranoid with them regarding other women too. Where as this new guy for instance I found lipstick mark on his car sunshield mirror and found it funny and laughed about it knowing that it was obviously from an ex but there was no jealousy or suspicion because he hasn't given me reason to distrust him. We laughed about it and it felt good and felt fun and a relief that I could now laugh about things like that.
Please tell me that it will be possible to eventually love this man because if he is everything I've ever wanted then why am I only grieving over men that treat me badly ?