I left an EA relationship (link posted below)
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3460960-Horrendous-night-tonight
For the first month or so I felt relieved to be out, I started looking forward to the future, I applied to do my PhD, I was shocked that I felt like I was getting over the relationship so much faster than I ever thought I would.
However, the last 2 weeks or so I’ve felt dreadful. I don’t know how to describe it, but I just don’t feel like ‘me’ anymore. I have no energy to make conversation with people, I’m trying to avoid most people at the moment(not easy with my job, but avoiding friends and family).
I’m 29 and have this dread of turning 30 this year knowing that all of my friends are engaged/married and have their own families, I feel like it’s too late for me to ever have that.
Practically things are hard, living with parents while applying for council house, it’s so much harder than I imagined.
I had this silly illusion in my head that I would walk out of the relationship into my own place with my 3 yr old DD everything would be perfect, I wouldn’t be struggling financially. I have always dreamt about being accepted for a PhD and I finally got the position last week. Which felt amazing at first but now I’m just thinking if I stayed with him I would have more time and money for the PhD.
I’ve missed him and feel completely lost, I look at my younger sister and see she has everything together, fiancé, great holidays. We use to go on lots of holidays and when things were bad I lived for our great holidays. Now I’m panicking that I won’t be able to afford to financially support me and DD never mind holidays.
I’m just feeling a little lost and want some support/guidance. He always told me I wouldn’t know how to stand on my own two feet, and unfortunately it’s prooving to be true at the moment.