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Original poster

Crap love life

12 replies

nursesknowhow · 04/02/2019 17:36

A little pick me up needed!

I split up with my fiancé about 4 years ago as he was physically abusive. Met someone new a month later (completely unexpected) and fell head over heels crazily in love with him - I think it could be assumed he was my “knight in shining armour”
Probably got too involved to quickly and we split up last year as I found him having young children too difficult (no prior experience of this) but we tried our best to make it work.

Then I had a 6 month fling with a guy who was seeing his ex behind my back the whole time.

Now all the guys I seem to meet either have small children or are recently divorced, or just seem to only want one thing from the tone of their messages! For some reason my love life seems to be set on the same crap repeat cycle

Every time I get sad about not meeting a decent one I find myself drifting back to my last ex because he was so lovely, he looked after me and I know life with him would be easy and safe. Selfish I know.

I do want to settle down and have a family but am now at the stage where I cannot be bothered to meet anymore horrid men who treat me like crap. And to have to go through the dating stage again.... but I know that’s the only way!

Would it be silly of me to just try really hard to make it work again with safe ex?

I feel so cynical and fed up, I’m 29.

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 04/02/2019 17:43

Safe ex being the one with kids? What will have changed to make it more likely to work this time?

I’ve got to be honest, if I was him I’d feel more than a little underwhelmed by being thought of as “the safe one!”

MiniTheMinx · 04/02/2019 19:33

Which ex? generally they are an ex for a reason. If its the one with kids, the kids won't have gone anywhere. Why was it difficult?

AverageHuman · 04/02/2019 19:50

It’s probably quite common to miss an ex when you are lonely. Were the kids the only issue?

You will meet someone else. You might even miss out on meeting someone whilst wasting your time on you ex.

If you are meant to be perhaps you will get back with him when the kids are a bit older and more independent

Original poster
nursesknowhow · 04/02/2019 19:58

Sorry only just finished work
Yes the one with kids... nothings changed but because 90% of guys my age and older seem to already have children I figure why miss an opportunity to be with someone so lovely and caring if, as I get older, the men I meet will have children anyway

OP posts:
Impicciona · 04/02/2019 20:02

The old saying applies here ... If you want to change the catch, change the bait.

It sounds like you need to take some time to be alone, figure out who you are, what your boundaries are and what behaviour you will absolutely not tolerate.

You'll find that red flags will pop up all over once you know you're deserving of better.

Original poster
nursesknowhow · 04/02/2019 20:23

Thanks Impicciona you’re right, I wondered if maybe some time alone could help

OP posts:
Geordieclurr · 04/02/2019 20:27

Sorry to say it but the mere fact that you're asking is the reason why you need to find the true love of your life. Imagine if your ex saw what you'd written and ask if he'd be hurt. If the answer is yes, then he also probably deserves more too. Just as you do

Original poster
nursesknowhow · 04/02/2019 20:34

Letting something go that isn’t bad but just not 100% and staring a potential lonely and childless future in the eyes is bloody scary!
That sounds very dramatic I know!!

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 04/02/2019 20:53

You are still young enough to meet someone and have children. No reason to think 29 is pushing it, you have plenty of time to meet the right man.

Why do you think reconciling yourself to having a man who already has children will change things for the better? Of course perception is everything, but reconciling to it, doesn't alter "it". If you have very real reasons for not wanting to make a life with someone who has children who are not your children, then I am not certain how you can meaningfully reconcile yourself to accepting their children. Even if you could, or thought that you could can you be sure that in every way possible you would not resent them? or worse with resentment act in any way that would not benefit those children?

Original poster
nursesknowhow · 04/02/2019 21:20

You’re completely right Mini and I suppose I can’t guarantee resentment wouldn’t build up Sad seems to be very difficult to find someone without children that I like and get on with

OP posts:
Geordieclurr · 04/02/2019 21:32

Isn't that bad but isn't that good either

AverageHuman · 05/02/2019 11:09

Meet someone younger then? Grin

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