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Relationships

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Original poster

To feel like I’m settling?

23 replies

lepcis · 04/02/2019 16:01

Even though I’m probably not

I do love my boyfriend, and we’ve been dating for three years so getting serious. We have had a big and up and down which we are coming out of. I just don’t feel as in love with him as I did. He’s attractive, he’s a doctor, he has a lovely family and is all round nice. He is my best friend. But somehow I still feel like I am settling.

Not sure if I just feel bored, or suffering from the grass is always greener. I have had interest from guys more attractive/much wealthier/closer to my values in life, but do not want to give up on my current bf.

I’m not sure if I can see myself marrying him, but equally know that if we still wanted me of course, I quite easily could. Then that’s that, and that’s my life.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 16:03

That sounds beige.

Is beige what you want?

How old are you?

Original poster

lepcis · 04/02/2019 16:06

I’m 24 so ought to make a decision sooner

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/02/2019 16:12

You’re 24! You met him at 21! No wonder you feel you’re settling. It sounds like you’re basically living the sedate life of a middle aged couple with somebody who is nice and stable and secure, and haven’t had the opportunity to actually experience adult life of relationships with anybody else. Trust me: you’re going to change a hell of a lot over the next few years and if you already feel you don’t have a lot in common now, that’s not going to get better.

If you can’t see yourself marrying him and can’t see yourself being happy exactly where you are now in 10, 20 or 50 years time - there’s your answer.

Closetbeanmuncher · 04/02/2019 16:16

What exactly are you bringing to the relationship besides a sense of entitlement and a wondering eye??

Your whole tone is grabby and has the depth of a puddle.

If you don't want to be with the man do the right thing and end it. Simple as that.

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 16:18

What was the big up and down if you don't mind me asking?

I dumped my lawyer (rather than doctor) who was all those things for DH, who was not a good bet on paper at the time. I've never regretted it.

Original poster

lepcis · 04/02/2019 16:20

I think if I reveal it then it might affect the tone of the thread, but he kissed another woman and invited her home, before changing his mind. I have made my personal decision to forgive him for that.

OP posts:

Dissimilitude · 04/02/2019 16:22

@closerbeanmuncher

Splendidly put

Closetbeanmuncher · 04/02/2019 16:22

I don't think op is talking about dumping a lawyer and marrying a soulmate though MrsTP, she's talking about going in search of the 'bigger better deal'

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 16:24

Honestly bean she's 24, if she wants to date based on some fairly shallow things, that's the time. I mean I was shagging musicians at the time, shallow as anything!

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 16:25

Oh and it turns out he's the one who's been 'wandering'.

Ootscoot · 04/02/2019 16:25

I’m settling.

i just try not to think about it.

HollowTalk · 04/02/2019 16:26

I think what suits you at 24 isn't always what suits you at 21. FWIW I think if someone shows signs of cheating then I'd get out, whatever his job was.

HollowTalk · 04/02/2019 16:27

Do you know for definite he turned her down? What was his reason and how did you find out?

Original poster

lepcis · 04/02/2019 16:28

Oh and to the accusations of dating him for his job... as long as my current career progression continues, I should earn far more than him.

OP posts:

malteserhound · 04/02/2019 16:29

You're still very young, and understandably curious about what else might be out there. He already has evidence of a wandering eye, so possibly you're both feeling a bit bored and stuck.

If I were you, I'd end the relationship and enjoy some time playing the field, until you find someone you love deeply. In a relationship which is marriage material, you should BOTH feel as though you can't believe how lucky you are!

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/02/2019 16:30

you are very young OP. He sounds like a nice sweater. Warm and safe. Surely you want to go backpacking and have a few romances ;)

HollowTalk · 04/02/2019 16:32

He doesn't sound safe to me, if he's inviting girls home!

Parthenope · 04/02/2019 16:34

Why would you even consider 'settling' at 24??? There's a whole world out there, and it sounds as if you're both bored and have a wandering eye.

Kaykay06 · 04/02/2019 16:49

Wondering eye eh sorry made me giggle
Sounds boring to me, but sounds also like you’re eyeing up others - who gets offers from others whilst with someone

Take a break and re-evaluate life isn’t all about money and status you have to be happy and plenty time to worry about settling down really.

category12 · 04/02/2019 16:55

You are settling if you're picking a bloke who has been unfaithful. It's really not worth the stress and pain to be with someone you can't trust.

You're only 24, there are lots of men out there you could be with, who you'd find exciting and fun and you could trust.

Original poster

lepcis · 04/02/2019 20:00

Thanks all

OP posts:

category12 · 04/02/2019 20:09

So what are you going to do?

LynetteScavo · 04/02/2019 20:37

I'm guessing he told you he brought someone home and then changed his mind?

It sounds like you can do so much better. You're just trying to be nice staying with him.

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