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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pregnant and soon divorcing need someone to talk to

18 replies

Pinkroses1 · 04/02/2019 14:03

Thought I saw it all last night until I found out something else today about my soon to be Ex husband.
I still can’t beleive it it’s like my brain just won’t process it.
Last night I saw a snap from another woman DH admitted to it so I left and came to my mums house today (cos we lived with his parents i left)
My mum was being so supportive and told me to come straight away usually she wouldn’t be like this but there was something she knew..
SO for the past year or so my younger sister had been harassed by a fake account on insta, someone had taken her picture and ejaculated over it and sent it to her. At the same time they were asking her to send nudes or they would leak these “pictures” on this insta account. This person kept threatening her many times.
This went on a few times and my sister had enough and got scared so she went to the police. That day my soon to be ex was here and said who are they let me message them.
SOMEhow he found the Instagram account and had a conversation with them and they said they wouldn’t do it again and they were sorry.
Found out today that person was my Husband.
I don’t know how to feel. I feel sick I feel disgusted how could I have been deceived all the time? How did he get away with it so many times? How can he do that to my SISTER? He’s a perverted psychopath!
I feel ashamed of myself for marrying this person and now I’m about to have his child.
I still can’t process it.
The pictures he had of her were from my phone of when my sister sent them to me. He secretly took them from my phone.
I didn’t even know he looked at my sister in any way it’s DISGUSTING!
It’s sounds horrible but I don’t even know if I will love this child, even though it’s not his fault.
I honestly thought he loved me but turns out he never did and was just a complete psycho.

OP posts:
lickencivers · 04/02/2019 14:07

How old is your sister?
She still needs to go to the police.

You've done the right thing in leaving. My advice would be engage with a solicitor and go no contact with him directly.

Be kind to yourself.

Original poster
Pinkroses1 · 04/02/2019 14:10

@lickencivers
She’s 19 and she didn’t want to press charges because she didn’t want me to find out.

He only admitted to it when she said she was going to the police but the case is still open.

OP posts:
holasoydora · 04/02/2019 14:13

So sorry OP.

Your sister still needs to go to the Police.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your baby is a different person to your DH - you are in shock now but you will get over this and love your child Flowers

holasoydora · 04/02/2019 14:15

She needs to press charges or he’ll do it to someone else.

ree348 · 04/02/2019 14:28

Oh I'm so sorry what a horrible thing to go through in addition to a pregnancy and divorce! Let your sister report the scum bag! When it comes to the courts deciding access to your child a slur against his name will help.

And most importantly, you WILL love this child. They will be the love of your life and you will forget about all the hate and betrayal you've gone through.

You sound like you have a very supportive family too, lean on them for support.

Good luck with everything and the future x

lickencivers · 04/02/2019 16:29

You need to encourage your sister to report this. It will help You and others in the long run.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/02/2019 16:33

you need to go to the police. this will stay on his file. abusers silence people through guilt and shame. These things generally don't stop where they start. you will need to give evidence. make sure this is logged. this is vile.

Original poster
Pinkroses1 · 04/02/2019 16:45

I told my sister to press charge’s but she said she would have to pay for the courts etc I said so what? but she doesn’t want to. I think she thinks that it will make matters worse.
My mum is going to speak with his family soon to tell them what’s he done then I will go a collect all of my stuff.
I’m still disgusted I just cannot beleive it how can somebody do this to a pregnant woman ? I’m honestly ashamed to have married such a person.

OP posts:
lickencivers · 05/02/2019 08:16

Y9ur sister won't have to pay!!!!

costacoffeecup · 05/02/2019 08:22

Your sister should go to the police. It's not up to her if it progresses though. Why does she think she'd have to pay?

Weenurse · 05/02/2019 08:23

She won’t have to pay. It will be the police who charge him and police who pay for it.
She will lose time when she gives evidence against him.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/02/2019 08:24

Your sister needs to take this forward. If this is how your EX acts it needs to be documented as proof of his character.

Notmyrealname855 · 05/02/2019 08:27

She won’t have to pay, the case would be brought against him by the CPS (police basically).

It would really help you in future custody battles if you can show a record of his true colours - if he has a criminal record for this.

So sorry OP, what a shocking situation Flowers Good to be supported by your family

endofthelinefinally · 05/02/2019 08:28

If your sister doesn't progress this with the police, you won't be able to control your ex's contact with your child.

Dirtybadger · 05/02/2019 08:28

It's a criminal not a civil matter. She won't pay. I can understand why she might not want to report it (she won't be "pressing charges"- just reporting it and leaving to the Police and CPS to decide whether to pursue it) but don't let cost be one of those!

Original poster
Pinkroses1 · 05/02/2019 09:30

Thanks you everybody!
The police have all the information about him and everything that’s happened and the case is still open. If my sister was to go the police again and report him will he just get a criminal record or will they give him any kind of sentence ? What he did was pretty bad.

OP posts:
ree348 · 05/02/2019 12:04

It will all depend on whether he has a previous criminal record, how remorseful he is etc.

Either way your sister really needs to progress this forward, whether he gets a sentence or not you need to have this on record for any potential custody battles. Also as all the other posters say, she won't have to pay anything.

SandyY2K · 05/02/2019 13:07

She should definitely pursue it with the police.

What disgusting man. Good on your mum for going to tell his family.

He's perverted.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this while pregnant.

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