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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Desperate for some advice

7 replies

Aquababe73 · 04/02/2019 01:49

My relationship with OH haa totally broken down. It was never great to start. I was more invested than him always. In the eight years we've been together he's never bought me a birthday or Christmas present, told me he loves me or said anything remotely nice or complimentary, he refuses to get a divorce from his ex, i buy everything for our DD, and he is entirely focused on how much money he is spending and refuses to buy anything jointly with me. He calls me lazy continuously for not doing enough housework and puts me on guilt trips for not contributing enough financially. I am currently in teacher training following having my daughter who is now nearly 2. We argue constantly as he always wants his own way. I back down 80% of the time but the other 20% i think fuck it I've had enough. I get really upset, frustrated and angry and I dont want my daughter to be around this atmosphere any longer. We live in a rented house and the tenancy is in his name and he refuses to move out. The majority of the belongings in the house are mine but he would rather see me go through the upheaval and stress of finding somewhere else to live and move and pack all mine and DDs stuff than just move out and leave me to sort out housing benefit. So I'm stuck. The teacher training takes up so much of my time i would have to wait to holidays to do any thing anyway. But without a job or any savings i dont think i would find anywhere to live anyway. I feel totally trapped like there's no way out. I try to just get through each day bur its just so unhappy that I'm crying myself to sleep eache night. Most nights he sleeps in the spare room. Does anyone have any advice or has been in a similar situation and what have you done? Sorry if its a bit rambling but its late and I'm exhausted.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 04/02/2019 04:25

Without wishing to sound harsh. Why did you move in with him?

I assume your parents' relationship was similar hence why you accepted this

What network do you have? Are you working, do you have colleagues o who might be able to rent a room for a month or so?

coppercolouredtop · 04/02/2019 04:35

Hell notthefordtype helpful much?

Op said they have a child so I assume that's why they live together
She isn't working she's in teacher training
All in op -

Hi op. Sorry I just felt that wasn't a helpful post.

I'd suggest women's aid and finding out what you'd be entitled to if you and your dd decide to go it alone.

And then I think I'd be planning for that.

Why is tenancy in his name only? Is it because you're a student?

Have you any support in rl? I think I'd speak to my tutor.
Itd be hard as a single mum and student but I'm sure it would be less hard than what you have right now tbh....
Get some feelers out . Find out what entitlements you'd have alone. At least start looking
How long you got left as a student?

coppercolouredtop · 04/02/2019 04:36

And I'd be tempted to take all those belongings when you go and leave him sweet fa.

Get some advice op.

Decormad38 · 04/02/2019 04:43

Do you have any friends or family op that could help you out? Perhaps it would just offer a temporary place whilst you separate from that arsehole.

Aquababe73 · 04/02/2019 11:53

Wow notthefordtype you're a supportive one aren't you. Thanks for the amateur armchair psychology but as you couldn't even be bothered to read my post I'll disregard your comment.

OP posts:
Aquababe73 · 04/02/2019 11:58

Thanks coppercolouredtop I've been looking at women's aid but haven't got round to calling yet. I heard they place you out of area and what with taking dd to nursery and making it to school myself i couldn't do that but I'm hoping they'll be able to advise re housing advice as without a job renting privately will be really difficult.

OP posts:
Aquababe73 · 04/02/2019 12:00

In fact his sister offered me a temporary place to stay in her spare room as she knows what he's like but I'm sure that would cause an almighty family rift.

OP posts:
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