Nervous of rejection

[greenf1]

Hello - following an awful marriage and divorce which knocked my confidence I'm very keen on someone and don't know how to tell him or if I even should.

I met him at a friend's Christmas party and we chatted - got on very welll - loads in common. He works with my friend's husband. There was a spark. I spoke to my friend the next day, who told me that he'd had a bad divorce in 2016/17 and he's convinced his ex wife cheated many times. That's all she knew.

On New Year's Day I bumped into him in town, shopping. We both fancied coffee so went to a cafe and were there for a two hours chatting. It was dark when we came out and we kissed when we parted ways. It was great. Loved it. After a passionless marriage it felt good.

He added me on Facebook and we messaged a lot over the following days. We have lots in common and said that we really fancy each other. A few days later he went abroad for 2 weeks and messaged me every day, sending me updates and pictures. We also talked of our divorces and various other serious subjects. I felt we were getting close.

He's been back in the country since 20th January and we've messaged loads but not met. I'm nervous about suggesting it in case he declines - that'll rip my confidence to shreds.

I sort of want to seize the day but I can't bear the idea of rejection.

I wish I was more of a go-getter. The fact he hasn't asked me is worrying me though.

I'm wondering if my confidence will ever return. I'm also worrying that I'll regret not acting. I met my ex when I was 19 (I'm 40) and he asked me out and then chased, so I'm very inexperienced with all this.

Could you ask him if he fancies going to the cinema or to a gallery or something in the daytime, so it's not like a date?

Go for it, you have nothing to lose. A life lived in fear, is a life half lived 😉 the worst he will say is no. Message or phone him :)

He might be reserved, many men are, so you may have to grab the bull by its horn.

Tell him you've got two bottles of rose prosecco on ice and some peng Chinese sweet and sour pork balls with fried rice waiting for him and to get his ass over pronto to check the integrity of your bed frame.

Just keep it low key, eg I was thinking of doing [low key thing such as cinema on X day] and wondered if you fancy joining me if you're free.

If he says no = his loss and you can move on and leave the ball in his court
if he says yes= win

He's probably thinking exactly the same as you. Especially if he went through a shitty divorce as well.
You're probably both frightened of getting back on the horse.

Get on with it. If it doesn't work out then you know exactly where you stand and can go get on with your life.

do it. ask him. I asked somebody out once and he said no {argh} but I swear I still felt better afterwards because it was a bold move for me and for years I'd worried that I was too passive. I felt then that what was right for me was LESS likely to pass me by so I actually felt better for having been brave enough to take the risk.

I can’t really imagine him saying ‘no’. So do the thing.

The fact he hasn't asked me is worrying me though.

Maybe he's thinking the same?

Second the low-key invite. "I saw a trailer last week for [x film] - was thinking of going this Sunday afternoon, do you fancy joining me?"

(And make sure it's a film or activity you actually want to do - don't pick some obscure arthouse dirge in an attempt to seem intellectual - you want to attract someone who's into the same things as you genuinely are!)

Thanks everyone. He's just sent me a funny message about his plans for the day (work related) so tonight I'm going to ask how his day went and ask to meet. Hopefully if he lets me down it won't be too bad. I can't stand the uncertainty. Thanks again.

IF he says no just say ''thanks for being clear about that no''. Be confident. I don't think he will say no though. You kissed, he's still communicating with you.

The man I asked, really, I hadn't any information to tell me that he liked me! I just liked him and ran with that. I still didn't regret it though.

Suggest coffee again sometime?