ds and ex's partner

[user1466783975]

I really need some advice in a situation that's been going on for a while.
I just don';t know what to do.
Ex left for another woman more than seven years ago and although it was awful at the time,i've kept the peace for my son and we do parents eve and the odd school thing together. Son would go every other weekend to stay.No contact in week as he is half an hour away and ex works late.
At the beginning,his partner was very resentful of my son,even though her two boys are of similar age and my son would mention things like ' she thought I was asleep and I could see her frowning at me at the door' and at a party they were holding apparently when my son went to get a drink from the fridge like her sons did,she said loudly' no you can't,you will wet the bed'. which he hardly did by the way. son would tell me and I would say 'ahh,don't worry,you have a lovely time really when you go and stay'.
I would tell the ex and he would say I need to be positive. Which I always was.
Now ds is eleven and only wants to go every other Friday and Saturday day,so not the whole weekend. He is desperate for dad to do things with just him,though his dad tries he says they come as a family and sometimes the partner and her children will be there.Son is very aware it is her house,not his dads.
Tonight son says he doesn't want to go next weekend and once a month is enough. I know his father loves him,he cries when son leaves but it seems those weekends he has him he isn't putting son as a priority,which I realise his partner must be one too,but almost seems the 13 days he doesn't see him is almost 'out of sight,out of mind' as he just seems to work.

I'm trying to encourage him to go next Friday . He has asd(high functioning) and I just hate that he has this stress.

Any help would be appreciated x

I would really recommend that you listen to your son and show him that you value his feelings. It is very important that your son feels his wishes are heard and when he complains of being poorly treated he feels you care. It sounds like he is being humiliated and this could have a long term effect on him, particularly if you, in trying to do the fair and right thing, minimize it by saying he really had a lovely time.

I speak from personal experience and wish someone had given me this advice years ago.

son would tell me and I would say 'ahh,don't worry,you have a lovely time really when you go and stay'.

OP I know your intentions are good, but please don't tell your son that he is not allowed to feel his feelings - or worse, that his feelings don't exist.

Your ex is clearly a cunt who is incapable of parenting, especially a child with extra needs. The only thing you can rely on this prick to do is to consistently put your son behind everyone else. You need to change your angle to start giving the message "Daddy loves you but not everyone shows love in the right way. It's okay for you to be angry at Daddy, and at me. It's safe for you to express that anger in ways that doesn't hurt other people."

Does your son have any input from pastoral care, CAMHS etc? I cannot stress enough how important it is for him to have a safe place to vent his feelings.

Best wishes OP. I know you have his welfare at heart but you probably need to change tack.

You need to put your son feelings first, do not discount his feelings just because he is a child.

It seems this has been an ongoing issue and it's only now your son is 13 he feels confident enough to say he has had enough. Listen.

I'm not sure you can just decide this really. At least if at all possible discuss this with ex. If he decided to go to court this could really backfire with him getting more time not less. 30 mins is not far away at all.

My child saw her dad every other weekend from about 18 months till she grew out of it - about 14.
I always let her guide me.
He is a good dad so worked well.
Think s couple of times she wanted to come home early so I fetched her.
And when they moved house she wouldn't stay over night.
No problem- she didn't stay over night.
She is now a very confident young lady 30.
But I always put her feelings first :)