Partner is despressed

[Laurensophie123]

Hi all, im after abit of advise.

I think my partner is depressed and i told him he needs to go to the doctors.

He works away monday to friday and is stressed out at work working as a lorry driver, he does long hours (70+ a week) and hates his job but driving jobs only really work away and we are buying a house so him leaving isnt a option at the moment. He comes home on a weekend and he wants to go out with his mates which is fine but he gets so drunk where he doesnt know when to come home. He is constantly down and its now getting me down. Its affecting our relationship as he says he doesnt feel like having sex after been away all week with work.. last night he went out and didnt come home this seems to be every weekend now thats this is happening and i cant carry on so this morning he come home apologising and he started crying saying he needs help and he cant stop drinking he doesnt want to drink but its the only way he forgets. He is never happy no more he never laughs. He think the worse all the time and thinks he isnt good at anything. I need help because i really dont know how to act,im so anrgy with him every weekend ( the full weekend we are aruging only time i see him) but i believe that something is wrong. I said he is stopping drinking and see how things are but i dont know the doctors is the best for him as drinking is caused by his unhappiness. Any advise will be great,ilove him to bits and hate seeing hin like this and its effecting our relationship so much we have been together 6years and i dont want this to break us

He is utterly miserable in his job, is buying a house worth risking his mental health? Do you work?

No its not but its all going through now papers have been signed .. yes i work

This sounds serious OP - you are absolutely right that he needs to go and see his doctor, and ideally to find a local organisation or support group that will help him deal with the drinking. Mental health problems do tend to make people very self-centred and, once it's got a hold, there's very little chance he'll get out of this without professional help. It's great that you love him, and great that he's admitted to having a problem and wanting help. Now he needs to act on it. And maybe you can find a support group yourself for relatives/partners of people with depression and/or alcohol problems. Good luck.

I have a great many friends who struggle with depression. I do think the gp is a good idea - they could suggest either antidepressants or talking therapies that might help your partner. Are you able to talk to your partner about how he is feeling - for instance how severe and persistent his mood is, whether particular things are bothering him, whether he has even had suidical feelings? Helping him to articulate this may enable him to think more clearly about best steps for himself. Also, take care of yourself because this is also really hard on you

It’s hard being a HGV driver, as they do have a lot of time on their own to think. This can result in them going out at the weekend, sociallising to get a break from that isolation.
Could he speak to his employer and do 4nights our max? Or do less long distance driving?
Could he change jobs to a more local company which doesn’t have as much long distance? I understand that this would have pay implication, as the rate for nights away is generally higher.
he needs to stop drinking, so could he just go out once a month? See a GP?

Thanks for all your replies.. he is a really shy person and i really think he goes out on a weekend to just feel human and socialise with people!! I can talk to him but sometimes he feels like im asking to much and shuts down. We live with his parents at the moment we should get the keys to our new house at the end of the month and im hoping he might feel better then. We have discussed him leaving his job which is a option after tje house purchase has compelted .. im going to book him in at the doctors on friday so he can get some help i really feel helpless as i dont know what to say and when he goes out and doesnt come home i get so upset and arngy im horrible to him which wont be helping but he didnt open up about drinking till this morning so i just thought he was doing it to just be a lad. I really dont know how to help him or what to say or do!