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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I leave?

2 replies

muchalover · 03/02/2019 16:04

I'm desperate for information on how I can leave my marriage.
My husband is emotionally, financially and psychologically abusive. I noticed a few red flags a few years ago but I was so busy with my career I brushed them off and made excuses for him. However after having a baby 7 months ago he has really ramped up his "game". He speaks to me with disgust, calls me names, does nothing in the house, has burned through my savings, maxed out one credit card, and won't be intimate with me at all.
He encouraged me to leave my work saying that we would be fine financially but then he leaves me with no money, not even to buy sanitary wear. The baby and I wear secondhand clothes and I walk everywhere because he used my driving money.
All the while he drives around in his brand new car with his brand new branded clothes etc.

I've be honest with him and told him this isn't how I want or deserve to be treated, he sends lovely apologies by text and then reverts back to gaslighting me etc. Whenever I challenge his behaviour he turns it on me and says I'm constantly having a dig at him.

I know nothing is going to change and for my sake and the sake of my baby I cannot stay in this marriage. I've asked him to leave but he won't. I'm prepared to leave but I don't know what to do?
Where do I stand with the mortgage? I'm currently a stay at home mum.
He will fight me for custody and he gets very spiteful, this terrifies me.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2019 16:10

I would contact both Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 and the Rights of Women organisations initially (Rights of Women can provide some legal advice) as both can help you here. I would certainly seek legal advice from a Solicitor asap with a view to divorcing your abuser. Your Solicitor too should ideally be well versed in the ways of abusive people.

Abusive men usually say that they are going to fight for custody; it is often said simply to keep their target i.e. you here in line. He does not give a fig for his child either.

Stay safe and keep posting here too.

muchalover · 03/02/2019 17:55

Thank you for responding. I will contact them tomorrow.

OP posts:
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