Considering leaving dp need advice

[Dharmainitiative]

I'm wondering about leaving my partner as I'm not happy but find I'm in a difficult position.

We are not married.
We have a 8 month old.

We have also just exchanged contracts for our first home. Currently rent. We put down a deposit that was gifted by my dad to both of us and have signed as joint tenants.havent completed yet but due to soon. Will be tied to 5 year mortgage.

I'm on mat leave due to return to work part time in June. Our daughter was gonna go nursery one day and with my dad the other day while I work.

Not sure how I can leave. I have the option of going go live with my dad but I really don't want to do that as much as I love him us living together isn't good as he's controlling.

What happens about the house if we split up? Obviously I'd want to stay there with my son but not sure if that would he possible or even how I'd be able to pay for us to do so only working part time without my partner

Anyone?

Sorry to hear that your going through a tough time. I’m pretty sure whichever parent is sole provider would be entitled to stay in the house? It sounds like your partner hasn’t put any money into the house so it doesn’t look like you would have to buy them out.

I am working part time and I also get working tax credits and child tax credits which help with the childcare then maintenance payments on top of that. Have you looked into this as you may be entitled and it might help with the mortgage payments?

I've tried to do the entitled to thing but found it quite confusing
Will try again later

I always find it easier to speak to someone over the phone. I’d give tax credits a call just to see where you stand. I think you have to be working at least 16 hours.

I get £125 a week all together and I work 23 hours a week.

Good luck

There are no more tax credits for new claims. It is all Universal Credit. So going back part-time is a bad move.

I’m pretty sure whichever parent is sole provider would be entitled to stay in the house?

Not true. And under UC there's no more help with mortgage payments unless you're on an interest-only mortgage and then there's a long wait and very little assistance.

If you're only exchanged, you can still pull out. This might be much cheaper in the long run.

Why is going part time a mistake

With an unmarried partner, because you have NO legal protection at all and you've just compromised your earning potential, pension and ability to provide your own safety net to enable another person who has no obligation to you at all whatsoever - only to pay child maintenance, which plenty of non-resident parents find a way to skive out of - to carry on working FT and enjoying all the benefits of that whilst you've just shot yourself in the foot earning-wise and left yourself incredibly financially vulnerable. There's no common law marriage and there's no such thing as legal entitlement to remain in a home because you're the primary carer. In fact, buying a house with this man is an even bigger mistake.

Also because it's all UC now. There's a min. 5 week wait for any payout. The amount is lower than with tax credits and with more restrictions.

Seems like I can't leave dp without seriously diminishing my child's quality of life so I'll be staying put

Thanks for all the advice

Why would you buy a house with someone you're not compatible with, though? And again, going part-time with an unmarried partner is going to make you even more financially vulnerable.

We are getting married. Or supposed to be a anyway.

And me going part time was what was going to work for us all as a family

This was supposed to be the start of a wonderful family life together, a child, the house, marriage etc.

Apolygies yes it’s universal credit now. I’ve just been offered a mortgage they took my UC/TC into account. By help I just meant It’s just extra income which will help with my mortgage payments.

If you rent you used to be able to get housing benefit. Again not sure if that’s changed.

Going full time doesnt always work out, I save money on childcare and I don’t get heavily taxed because I’m part time. If I went full time I’d probably be making the same money I’m on now. I also like that my son isn’t stuck in childcare the whole week.

Waiting times can vary but you get it all back from when you first apply.

Bad advice from pp. No, the ‘sole provider’ doesn’t get to stay in the house. It’s his house too.

You need legal advice if you buy the property and then separate.

Waiting times can vary but you get it all back from when you first apply.

UC is not backdated. The min. 5 week wait is just that. You can apply for an advance on it whilst waiting but this is a loan and will be clawed back from further UC payments. The min. wait is 5 weeks but may be longer.

Bad advice from pp. No, the ‘sole provider’ doesn’t get to stay in the house. It’s his house too.

This. And as they haven't yet completed, well, it's not their house yet.

Everyone will be moved to UC in the near future, so those kicking back on TC right now better start planning ahead because the Tories will be re-elected and they will ramrod UC through.

I think UC is a shower of shite and am no Tory, but well, it's here to stay.

Is there a reason as to why you suddenly want to back out now at this late stage? It does sound sudden, and I don't want to pry but would it help talking to your fiancé? However, if the love has gone and there's definitely no way back for the both of you, I think staying with him and proceeding with mortgage and marriage would be bad for your emotional and mental health. I stood by someone for 3 years after there was no way back and ended up going crazy. Leaving [for me] was the best decision of my life. It was hard being disabled and with 3 kids 7 yrs old and under, but was a huge weight off my shoulders and started to enjoy life again.

Can you contact citizens advice? You might be able to get out of your mortgage, and if you cannot afford to find somewhere to live within your budget, see if the council can help you out until you get back on your feet. Good luck.

Wow how things have changed since when I applied a few years back didn’t realise they had completely got rid of the old system 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bad advice from pp. No, the ‘sole provider’ doesn’t get to stay in the house. It’s his house too.

It wasn’t really advice that’s why I added the question mark because I wasn’t sure but I’m glad you guys could help out and correct

Wow how things have changed since when I applied a few years back didn’t realise they had completely got rid of the old system 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep. UC for new claims now. 5 week min. for any money and any advance is a loan they claw back from your payments.

And everyone will be moved to UC, as early as 2020 if they get it sorted the way they want, including legacy claimants.

There is no severe disability element to UC, or Cold Weather payments. Lots of other stuff.

So no matter how economical it is now to stay working under 25 hours, it would be wise to start looking at how an increase in hours will work because if your child is over 5 that's what will be expected, at a minimum, because they will be moving another 10,000 families onto it in July and are not saying who it will be.

I knew it would happen sooner or later, it doesn’t really work, like I said earlier I’m probably better off part time than full time atm which is silly. Luckily I work in a job where I can increase my hours if needs be. Thanks for the info

Keep it in mind, Elena, because UC is coming. They will not back down or reverse it. It's here to stay.

Thanks for the advice

It's not too late to get a Deed of Trust to protect the money from your dad before your sale goes through. I had one, and it saved me thousands when I eventually split up with my partner (we weren't married). Speak to your solicitor tomorrow. Don't delay!

Good luck, OP