Hey
So I've just had my second 10weeks in. I just feel so disconnected to my oh.
He just wants to watch tv when home, dinner in front of the telly and if he goes out it's with work or his guy friends. He then says well you go out then and I can babysit but doesn't seem to appreciate I am breast feeding 80 per cent still and also I'm too tired to go out! He doesn't seem to prioritise us as a couple or see it as important to invest in our relationship- his view is that things shouldn't be an effort.
During this pregnancy we stopped having sex around 6 months not from me but my oh said he felt the baby kicking and felt weird doing it when I was so pregnant. Anyway, we haven't done it since then. He will never initiate it and while after my first we had got back into it within 7 or 8 weeks, I feel a bit resentful that I have to initiate it and I have to be the one suggesting we go for dinner. I went to my best friends wedding a fortnight ago and my oh stayed behind with our kids. He made a big show of how easy it was like I mak a fuss by saying it's tough day in day out with two kids. And when I was at the wedding I couldn't help but feel a bit sad and envious of my friend feeling she picked a better one than I did ... her oh seemed so happy and committed and excited to be marrying her. On my wedding day my oh hardly complimented me until I asked him and the first thing he said when I got down the aisle was -well done you did it
(As I was nervous about the church bit and walking down the aisle). I felt disappointed and a bit robbed of what should be a special moment.
Now I'm a year in, two kids and I feel just a bit lost. If I don't make the effort then he just doesn't think about us romantically. But I feel now like why should I do this? Maybe there is someone for me out there who will make me feel good about myself ? Is it bad that I need this external appreciation? I work hard at my body doing cross fit once a week which makes me feel rgreat, I work really hard on my career to provide for he family and I do the cooking cleaning finances childcare shopping everything basically. He says just tell me what to do and I'll do it but i find it boring and a huge burden to have to manage him and wish sometimes it was me that could be frivolous or gravitating to the telly every night while he did the washing up sterilising meal planning budgeting etc
I felt sexy for the first time in month the other day at that wedding because I was dressed up and I could tell I was appreciated by other men even if it was friends husbands saying how well I looked it was nice to hear. My oh only comment was that my breasts looked veiny in my dress And needed covering up.
I wouldn't leave him as a first option and I would break my dc 1 s world if I decided we should separate and I couldn't bear that responsibility but I'm starting to feel just sad that this is it for me and my hope of romance and excitement is deduced to me asking for compliments and doing the admin which I feel I am drowning in.
What is the answer? I could organise fun date nights instigate sex etc but it feels
Thwarted by fact that I am the one pushing it again and he isn't really fussed either way. Please share any advice x0x0