Men with no enthusiasm for life

[Yawnyawnyawnzzzzz]

I recently ended it with a man I was dating for to months who wasn’t adding anything much to my life and wonder if i’m being too judgemental. He was a kind man but was just living his life through me and didn’t have anything going on himself. As a single mum i’m capable and independent, he didn’t like driving in new places, didn’t know how to cook/iron/garden/diy etc and did not much at all. I had no chemistry with him sexually.

However a friend pointed out that he would be devoted to me and would never lie and thought I was foolish for ending things. Surely a life with someone who doesn’t interest you and excite you isn’t worth it? Or am I deluded?

*two months

Your friends bar is too low. Or maybe she just has different taste. If he's a nice bloke then he will meet someone who wants the same things as him and lifestyle. But that wasn't you. You are not deluded.

It seems your friend thinks its essential to have a man and even a boring, lacklustre one with crap sex will do! Its excellent you have standards and I wish more women were like you, (he sounds boring as hell btw).

Depends on your histories, yours and your friends.

Some women are attracted to the opposite of what you describe and it often leads to trouble later on. Say a couple kids come along and suddenly the exciting man doesn't want to settle down and what was exciting and unpredictable etc becomes unresponsible and manchildish.
How many times have threads been started about men with lots of hobbies unwilling to give them up when responsibility comes along.

So if you or friend have a history of going for the irresponsible and unsteady, then maybe your friend is starting to value steady, kind and reliable over other things.

If that makes sense... Lol

That is what leaves me torn. Yes, he would be reliable but he isn’t capable if that makes sense. It got to the stage where I totally lost any interest in seeing him and didn’t even want to phone him as I knew I would have the same boring conversation about what he had watched on tv, what he had for his lunch etc. Please reassure me that there are some men out there that are a combination of the two types.

Please reassure me that there are some men out there that are a combination of the two types.

Well there is, whether you'd fancy them is a different matter.

Your friend seems to be happy for women to just settle with Mr.Right now instead of Mr.Right.

Settling for less than you want/deserve never works out long term.

I feel that i've worked too hard to build my life to just settle for an old man type personality. Life is so short.

No chemistry, could you live with that for the rest of your life?

I think you were right and you will meet someone better for you.

"isn't capable" would have me running for the hills...

"I've worked to hard to settle" is my mantra and also a single parent.

You're doing the right thing, I also hope the "combination" exists and surely it does as it exists in us right?

Hold out for what you really want, it's a pain in the arse granted but it will be worth it in the end.

Of course those men are out there. There are men who are devoted fathers, hard workers, and reliable. But who are also out climbing mountains, volunteering, packing a bag and seeing the world as often as possible, adventuring, and generally living every minute. There's loads of us like that.

But, remember - our lives are really full. There's only room in it for people who will add something. People who are going to share our drive and passion for life. We aren't going to settle for something that's 'okay' when we could be out doing something way more fun. So, you need to bring something to the table too.

My advice would be to follow your own passions. Doesn't matter what they are, but if you're out living life and doing the thihs you love, you're going to meet people who view life the same way.

@slightlymisplacedsingledad

I love you and everything, and generally you give good advice but that second paragraph was very condecending bordering on bellenderey ..Our lives are also full, and I certainly wouldn't consider adding anything or anyone to my life who didn't bring value.

You think we sit around watching soaps all day filing our nails, or posting narcissistic selfies on Instagram...

The fuck man?

No you definitely did the right thing, I wouldn't find that combination of traits one bit attractive!! Onwards and upwards!!

It's not a case of whether he's suitable. Or whether he'll "do". I ts a case of whether you're in love with him. And you're not, are you?

I've just got rid of one of these. You did right to do it at this point because any further on and you'll have risked being dragged down with him. As single mothers, we can't afford to have the life sapped out of us.
Yes to children, no to joyless man children.

Sounds like my dh. You've done the right thing. Whereas they are committed and don't lie as your friend says. They will not be spontaneous and live life to the full. It sounds like he was too introverted for you. I love my dh with all my heart but his introvertedness makes us clash somewhat and he is getting worse as getting older.

@Closetbeanmuncher

Ha! No, I definitely wasn't suggesting that all the little ladies are sitting at home reading Hello magazine 😂

However, I have encountered plenty of women who seem to think m they can demand everything in a partner, while offering much less. Seems to be particularly a problem online, where I guess women get so deluged with messages that they feel any guy will be grateful for their attention.

You are not deluded. He just isn't the right person for you. He might be lovely but he sounds too passive for you. You would find it draining trying to interest him in doing things for years and years. If you wanted someone to be trustworthy and adore you, you would be better off getting a gorgeous dog.

Passion in the bedroom and life in general is vital. My ex told me he was boring. Wish I'd listened. Mr negative with no oomph. I need a man with oomph! Sounds like you do too and you shouldn't settle for less than your basic needs.

Thanks for the clarification @slightlymisplacedsingledad

*internally screams at the thought of reading hello magazine

I do get what you mean. If you stop dating entitled, bratty princesses you may get more joy from the process!

The marker is this.....the only things a normal women will demand are loyalty and respect.