Is this a delayed 7 year itch ?

[notwhitedee]

Really don't know what to do anymore with my DP, we have been together since I was 18 he's 11 years older, two kids together house together etc,
I am so fucking bored it is unreal I have asked him to sort the relationship out with me but he doesn't try ever.
He's a fantastic dad I mean if I want a lay in he will happily give me one, he will make a cuppa for me and dinner etc, and I do that too for him,
Sex life is great but hit and miss can go weeks without it.
I just don't know what to do anymore and wondering if this is worth saving ?
My negative points are he's not cuddly or affectionate I have too ask him for a cuddle or for a minute which I hate doing?.
We don't really go to bed together anymore
We don't go anywhere at all, even if we have a babysitter he wants to just sit indoors I want to go out and make good memories with him.
There has been so many rows over breaking up, long speeches to one another about improving the relationship but nothing ever happens at all. I just feel very bored and unloved and I have told him so many times but nothing changes I don't know what to do anymore I really don't!
He's also paranoid I'm going to cheat all the time but I'm always in the house every day with the kids I just feel so lost I've also suffered bad with my nerves and anxiety this past year and I'm only starting to get over it I just want to be so happy again, and feel al that excitement but right now it's gone.

Your relationship sounds really normal, apart from the fighting. He’s a great dad, you share things equally, you have a great sex life. I’m not sure I really understand the problem? What would you like things to be like? A few more dates?

I think the love has gone I love him but I'm not in love with him anymore and imagine it's the same for him,
We don't do nothing except watch tv and eat together he doesn't want to do anything or make changes, maybe the spark has gone

I think people have really unrealistic expectations of long term relationships. The passion and spark in a big way don’t usually last forever, after a few years it becomes something else - trust, friendship etc. Do you think if you were with someone else it wouldn’t be like this after years? Don’t break up your family for a fantasy.

I don’t think it sounds normal. Yes intense passion changes into a more stable love but it’s not normal for him to be paranoid about you cheating, have big arguments about splitting up but never any changes to avoid that.

It could be that you met him when you were young and you’ve both developed into different people now. It happens.

The lack of trust thing is concerning. People often (not saying always) mistrust when they are up to no good themselves. Is this a possibility? Otherwise he sounds disengaged which doesn't make for a fulfilling relationship. If he won't change or engage with you, and this is ongoing, then yes, I would be thinking of splitting up too.

1. two kids together house together etc,...He's a fantastic dad

Sounds like an awful lot to toss away.

1. I mean if I want a lay in he will happily give me one, he will make a cuppa for me and dinner etc.

Which a lot of men would never do.

1. Sex life is great but hit and miss, can go weeks without it.

Initiate sex: "Come to bed with me, I want to make love."

1. he's not cuddly or affectionate, I have to ask him for a cuddle

Initiate cuddling. Don't ask, just do it.

1. We don't really go to bed together anymore.

See my answer to #3, above.

1. We don't go anywhere at all, even if we have a babysitter he wants to just sit indoors. I want to go out and make good memories with him.

It's called compromise. An evening in is an opportunity for #3 and #4. Make it clear that you require an occasional evening out, to balance the occasional night in.

1. I just want to be so happy again, and feel all that excitement but right now it's gone.

Over time, the excitement of the early relationship phase develops into something less heady but more solid, in my experience. Relationships are hard work.

Don't do anything silly. Work on the relationship. Don't jump to the shouting match stage. Be reasonable and loving. Compromise!

Very best wishes to you! X

I understand where you are coming from OP but the 'I love them but I am not in love' line is trotted out by people a bit too easily I think. Being 'in love' is a chemical thing that lasts 1 to 2 years biologically, for most people, and is then replaced by other feelings. If you still enjoy sex (even if not that often) and are still attracted to him them I think that is as good as it gets in a LTR.

OTH I don't like the sound of him not trusting you, because if you are bored one answer is looking to develop interests and social life outside of the relationship without splitting up, rather than expecting him to fulfill all your needs. But if he is like that, it will be difficult, and you need to think about whether he is controlling in other ways which could explain your anxiety even though you're not fully aware of it.

Can you look at activities in your local area that you might both enjoy? A new skill or something you might like to visit or try? Book a night away? Book a meal - something to look forward to together. Failing that find something that's just for you? The jealousy bit doesn't sound great though.