Will meeting the right person make me 'ready'?

[NinetiesFriendsOutfit]

I'm 29 and I've never had a boyfriend. I kissed a man last year for the first time and I did enjoy it. We went on a few dates but I didn't think he was for me. I also started to worry because I know my friends usually have sex quite quickly and he did hint a few times about going back to his.

The thought of having sex makes me so nervous. I think that I would need to know someone really, really well before I could possibly have sex with them but.

Will someone really wait that long for me? Or will i just magically be ready after three dates? Because I'm not sure if The One exists but I am just looking for 'a' right person if not 'the' right person.

I imagine that if I had had sex or a relationship by now things would be so different and I could maybe have had sex with that man I dated, just to see what it would be like, but I haven't and I can't.

I always thought I'd be married with a baby by the time I was thirty and my life is so far from that.

Do you ever feel sexual desire? Do you fantasise and masturbate about having a sexual relationship? Or is it all just too worrying?

Is there a trauma which you feel has led to this (not necessarily an assault, could be damaging attitudes towards sex, particularly women's sexuality, received during childhood) or do you think you might be asexual?

The short answer is you're very unlikely to be gagging for sex just because you've dated a dude you find physically/personally attractive a few times.

I am sure you can meet someone but the problem is that you have built up the worry about having sex etc which becomes a big hurdle to get over. Don't worry about having sex quickly whatever your friends do as apart from you not being ready, you will probably attract the sort of guys for which that is all they want.

You need to understand why you have not had a boyfriend so far. Have you not made any effort to meet new people? Also when you do, don't rush to sex. You will know when it feels right and will really want to, but perhaps confide in him of your nerves when the time is right. All the best

I was bullied at school and I spent university learning to make friendships really. I have come into myself really and I'm much better socially now, although I mostly work with women so don't tend to meet men.

Don't worry about having sex quickly whatever your friends do as apart from you not being ready, you will probably attract the sort of guys for which that is all they want.

I don't know how to look for someone who is willing to be serious enough to let me go slow and build a relationship but relaxed about that at the same time.