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Original poster

Is it ok to flirt with other men when in a relationship?

20 replies

BettyJJ · 02/02/2019 11:57

If your partner couldn't be bothered to be intimate with you and you feel distant despite talking to them about the lack of affection, sex etc. Would you flirt with others to feel wanted?

Is it so bad?

Been with DP 9 years and have a 3 year old. He tells me I'm needy if I tell him my concerns with lack of sex etc

OP posts:
Thehop · 02/02/2019 11:58

Would counselling be an option?

Original poster
BettyJJ · 02/02/2019 11:59

I should have mentioned. We are in counselling and I've grant this up, but he never takes therapists advice in to consideration. Feel like we are wasting money if he's not making an effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyJJ · 02/02/2019 12:00

Brought this up*

Should I just play hard to get? I don't even want to play games with him.

OP posts:
whatsthepointthen · 02/02/2019 12:00

flirting is not ok in my relationship

LovingLola · 02/02/2019 12:00

I think you need to consider ending the relationship with him.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 02/02/2019 12:01

I wouldn't flirt with other men, no. There's a certain type of man out there who can sniff out vulnerable women, tell them everything they want to hear, and get some extra marital sex.

Better to just leave your boyfriend and be single.

Original poster
BettyJJ · 02/02/2019 12:04

I can't leave for financial reasons and I still want to stay with him. I just wish he would make the effort.

In what way am I vulnerable?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/02/2019 12:06

You are wide open for an affair

Original poster
BettyJJ · 02/02/2019 12:07

So how do I get him to show some interest in me?

OP posts:
LemonTT · 02/02/2019 12:14

You would be wrong to do this in so many ways. Ignoring the infidelity, you would be putting yourself in risky situations, bring unfair to the poor sod you flirt with and righty or not you will be judged.

If he doesn’t have the feelings you need or want then you must face up to the reality of it. That may mean ending things and sorting out your finances. Playing games is stupid. Plus he may decide to act on his (lack of ) feelings and tell you to go.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2019 12:17

If he hasn't shown "interest" in you by now, he isn't going to

Josuk · 02/02/2019 12:27

I’d say it depends on what you call flirting. If you are genuinely leading people on - just to make yourself feel better - than it’s OK. As it would not have been OK even if you were single.
If it’s more like a banter, and just being chatty and smiley with people - something some people will consider ‘flirting’ - than I think it’s totally OK.

We are all human. And you are in a relationship lacking something, and your bf doesn’t seem to care. That can be soul crushing and miserable.
If you chat and smile to a nice man serving you coffee and he smiles back - there is no harm whatsoever.
And you walk away feeling just a bit better about yourself.

But - as others said - you really need to think about the future of this relationship. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 02/02/2019 12:32

I've done this in a previous relationship. I met someone else and left. It's not right, though. You shouldn't be feeling this way and it's a sign you probably shouldn't be together.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 02/02/2019 12:33

Not if you have one ounce of respect for your husband - no

Boysandbuses · 02/02/2019 12:42

So if he was being intimate with you, would it be ok?

Isadora2007 · 02/02/2019 12:46

Does he actually say he “can’t be bothered” with sex? Or is he depressed? Is he ever affectionate? What did he agree at the start of counselling that he wanted to get out of the sessions as I agree you’re wasting your time and money if he isn’t making any changes.
However I would also say you shouldn’t be relying on any man to make you “feel attractive” and it’s worrying your husband sees you as needy. Be honest- ARE you reliant on other people to make you feel better about yourself? When maybe you need to look at ways you can help boost your own confidence... flirting isn’t going to be the answer.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 02/02/2019 13:07

Has this got anything to do with him owning the house in his name only?

overnightangel · 02/02/2019 13:09

@BettyJJ are you 14?
You know it’s not right and you’re just looking for someone to say it’s ok so you have justification acting like a twat

user1493413286 · 02/02/2019 13:13

Maybe it’s not the case but I wonder if it would be easy to go from flirting to more, even if it’s not physical whether it would be easy to cross the line in the pursuit of feeling wanted.

Bloomini · 02/02/2019 13:18

You have to ask yourself: why do you want to stay with someone who isn't showing any interest in you? You say it's not just for financial reasonsConfused

I don't think you should openly flirt with other men to make a point. But you should stop trying to force the issue with him. What with the counselling and everything it sounds like a lost cause.

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