Always trust your gut

[lifegoes]

ALWAYS!

Just a quick background. With a man for a few months. Got serious very quickly all him.

Said he was separated, I had no reason to doubt him. He called her all the names under the sun. He got very jealous very quickly and hated me going out and would accuse me of seeing someone else.

I put up with this as I liked him, but my gut screamed something wasn't right. Whenever I asked him he would always turn it back on me. When we didn't argue about that things were amazing.

But he started being unable to see me, no matter how often I asked. But if he knew I was going out he would suddenly make the effort.

Yesterday it came to an end as I questioned his effort in the 'relationship' naturally he turned it on me. I had made my choice by posting a selfie on Instagram. (Something I wasn't allowed to do BTW) I was obviously seeing someone else. All my fault.

Anyway I spoke to a few of our mutual friends (first time I had) turns out he's not separated and he's well known for being a player and treating women awful. These are his friends telling me this and former colleagues of his.

So the moral of the story ladies, NEVER EVER DISCREDIT YOUR GUT.

I'd say he was waving lots of red flags!

@Musti he was. I knew that, but foolishly believed him.

If I went with my gut it would've been over 5 days after we first met.

You live and learn

Contemplating contacting his wife, WWYD?

Met a guy through OLD recently. First date was great (although he changed the time as he needed to see the “electrician” at his home - Bumble location suggested otherwise). Anyway, we thought there was chemistry and he was keen to see me again ASAP. Met at a gallery, and he got quite physical, was evasive about answering questions about his life. Something felt off and I felt very heavy and almost unwell for a few hours after (never happened before). Anyway, he wanted to meet at a different gallery (presumably to get physical) but I said I wanted to meet him in a park or for lunch. All excuses under the sun came out and I unmatched him. He wasn’t interested in me as a person and I suspect he was not single. So glad I ditched him. He subtly showed signs of controlling behaviour despite being so gorgeous and charming. Never had such a strong feeling to back away.

@Usernamealreadyexists wow! It's amazing how you just know.

I wish I had walked at the start

So yesterday I told his wife. Not sure if it was right to do.

But turns out they were still happily married or so she thought.

Been having affairs all the time they've been together.

He's now blamed me for ruining his sons life. I do feel awful that maybe I shouldn't have told her. But I wasn't nasty I showed her the messages where he said they weren't together and when we met.

I've blocked him on everything.

Can I have your thoughts on if this is right? I feel dreadful today

@lifegoes You haven't ruined anyone's life, if he couldn't stay committed to the relationship with his wife he should have told her. The wife and son (and you) have seen him for what he really is! I hate it when I hear stories of the person who cheated (even just going on a date) blames other people.

You did the right thing and told her, it's up to her if she decides to stay or go. He's got his karma for his shitty behaviour. I say you should be proud of yourself and his wife should be thankful she found out. No one deserves to be treated like that. Well done! Xx

@BeepBeepBop1 he was so abusive in his messages to me. Saying I've ruined his sons life. It's him that's ruined it by having an affair and lying about it. Telling me he was separated

He's had 5 affairs in 6 years so he his wife said.

It’s not your fault he cheated.

You did the right thing. You had courage. Good on you.

You weren’t the first OP. Will she behave any differently the 6th time??

I was with someone for 5 years who was living a dual life. When his ‘other girlfriend’ found out about me by checking his phone he was so angry towards her. He claimed he was angry that she had caused me pain (he seemed to absolve himself of this guilt as I wasn’t supposed to find out) and I realised he was so arrogant he was angry that she had found him out.

Well done for calling him out and don’t feel guilty about telling his wife.

I’m dating someone who says he’s separated. I have no reason to disbelieve him but until I go to his (shared house so not very appealing) how can I actually know?! 🤔

@Notcoolmum she'll take him back. No doubt, he's controlling like that. Will blame me and say it was nothing.

He's said the same thing to me, that I've caused his son so much pain and ruined his life.

The last one told her also, so she said. so it's not as she's found out herself each time.

He had an excuse for every question I had about their separation. She'd moved to her mothers, he wouldn't touch her, he hated her, he'd had an awful marriage. It was too hard to leave due to money.

Yet she showed me all the messages that proved they were still together.

He has had 5 affairs in 6 years.

She always takes him back. They are immersed in their own dance.

Get out of this triangle. You have helped as much as you can. You are not the person to walk her through this.

She knows what he is.

He's now blamed me for ruining his sons life
Of course he has.
How can it possibly be his fault?
He's entitled to do as he likes without any consequences!
Surely!!???
I fucking hate men like this.
But his wife will take him back again and he'll start this all over again.
He's a nasty, abusive, entitled asshole.
You are well rid.

Yes op it's all your fault.

These men!!!

@Lifegoes has updated in a newer thread called ‘When stop the wife contacting you’.

I accidentally posted on this older thread after reading it, as she had linked it.

See the new thread for her latest information.

It is unbelievable how the wife is probably controlled by his behaviours.

@hellsbellsmelons you know I think I needed to read that out loud!

He's took no responsibility even denied knowing me. Then I showed her texts. He admitted it. Then he said it was just texting. So I showed her proof we had met up. He admitted that. Said it was fun. I showed her the texts of how he shared things about his son and how he always said he loved me etc
He said I'm a nutcase 😂😂😂😂.

Yet she will still take him back