Been with my partner for about 4 years, we broke up for a year and got back together which I am bow stupidly regretting but felt backed into a corner.
Before I met him I had been divorced 6 years had rebuilt myself into a completely new person. Had a well paid job, had a beautiful home, lots of friends very active gym goer and debt free and now I don't recognise that person.
It started with "you don't have to be the main breadwinner now you have me" I was having some difficulties in work so thus felt like ah I can take a step back. I ended up taking a huge 20k pay cut and thought it would mean he would take more financial responsibility. No. What it meant was I have no money for me and I still have to put all my wages and maintenance into the bills and "can ask him for money" which is met with questions on what is it for and he doesn't have any. He is self employed and if he doesn't get on with someone or decides he has had enough he just quits. This has led us to having weeks of him being unemployed and having no money. We had to cancel a family holiday last year as he quit jobs 5x for example.
At home he doesn't do anything. He womt lift a finger or put a dish in the dishwasher. He tells me constantly that my managerial office job is nowhere near as stressful as his labouring job. He won't give input into meal planning won't start dinner if he is home first won't do food shopping. Moans that I do the shopping online and don't go to the shop. If he is home he sits in bed playing ps4.
He won't do any running around with the children, okay they are not his but thought we would share that. Nope. It all comes down to me, in fact he would be happier if they gave up their extra curricular activities. If I moan about it it is my fault for letting them do activities.
If I fall asleep watching tv in the evening he shouts at me until I wake up then moans that I never spend time with him and sulks.
If I make plans to see friends (not that I have many anymore) on the weekends the children go their dad I am unfair as it's 'his time. However he won't take me out or do anything anymore he just wants to sit in and watch tv. Which is nice sometimes but it's all the time.
If I don't answer him in a time frame that he thinks it's quick enough I'm ignorant, if I'm looking at my phone I'm rude. The other night he called me out to the hall I was cutting chicken and didn't want the cat to get it so put it away so took me about an extra minute to get there. He screamed at me that when he calls me I am to come as I had just made something so simple longer. I replied that I hadn't done that he had and he pushed me against the wall and hissed go on say it again I dare you. I managed to just walk away.
All debt is in my name, he refuses to help make payments as "your credit is fucked anyway" he only cares about his. I struggle to make payments as I'm also paying all the bills. He earns double what I do, all my money and child maintenance stays in the bank to pay bills he puts 800 in and then gives me money for weekly food shop and I have to ask for additional money. I never have money for clothes. He will always give me the bare minimum but yet if his family ask to borrow money he gives it them no questions asked. Hairdresser appointments for example I wouldn't use the hairdresser he wanted me to use so refused to give me money moaned about how much it cost although I had got it for half the cost. I regularly have to cancel appointments as he won't give me the money. He gets paid roughly 900 a week take home. I have no clue what he spends his money on.
He regularly will storm upstairs during dinners saying someone has upset him and put him off his food, either me or one of the kids has been rude to him etc (they are 14 and 10)
I feel so stuck, I can't move I have no money, I have so much debt I could barely make ends meet. I want to leave. I don't recognise thus person afraid to speak or voice their opinions having to do all the housework all the childcare all the cooking and work full time but trying So hard to not fall asleep. I need to stay to try to get some of my debt paid off, I have a loan which is due to finish in June and that frees up a huge chunk of money. I'm nearly 40 and never thought I would be back in a miserable a position as this. Sorry it's so long!