Need a hand hold

[Sharkirasharkira]

Ex fiancé of 5 years and I split about 6 months ago because he cheated on me with a girl he worked with, who is 15yrs my junior. He also gave me an STD (which I have fortunately sorted out). He was emotionally manipulative and abusive and generally tore my confidence into such tiny shreds that when he replaced me with a younger, skinnier model I became suicidally depressed and so anxious I couldn't leave the house. I had to be put on antidepressants and sleeping tablets, dropped over 2 stone because I couldn't eat from the stress and signed off work because I just couldn't cope. He also left me homeless because he moved the OW into our home while I was still living there but he did it while I was away so that when I got back I had nowhere to go. In short, he totally and utterly fucked me over.

So why in the everliving fuck did I even for the briefest of moments consider going back to him?!?! He has, over the past months, cheated on her multiple times, broken up with her at least twice that I know of and slagged her off to everyone who will listen. He is clearly not a catch and I am well rid. But he was begging me to take him back, promising me the earth and spouting all the usual lies in an effort to get me to change my mind because he has realised the grass isn't greener on the other side. This was all only last week by the way.

So WHY am I upset that he and OW are flaunting their 'relationship' all over the place? I know the truth about things no matter what he shows to the world but I just want to not care at all. I KNOW the only reason he is with her is because I refused to take him back and put up with his bullshit anymore. But I still feel like shit.

I've done all the usual things, blocked, cut contact etc. Think I just need a hand hold and for people who have no bias to either of us to really spell it out why I'm so much better off without that arsehole in my life. For some stupid, bizarre reason I feel like I've lost some kind of fight. Please help. Tell me I did the right thing in telling him to go fuck himself!

Handholding OP! He sounds like a real treat sounds like you're better off without.

There's bound to be wobbles and doubts as it's easy to look back through rose-tinted specs but hang in, stay strong and tell him to fuck right off

I know he's not exactly a prize to be won but somehow I still feel like I've lost something It sucks. The stupid thing is, I know logically that I am way better off, I just need some time for my heart to catch up with my head.

Sometimes it's not just the person you're sad for but the hopes and dreams you had for your future together, and it sucks. Especially like in your case where they turned out not to be who you thought. Your heart will catch up x

I think part of it is anger and frustration at myself for being so stupid

He cheated on his ex multiple times but I told myself he had changed and he was a better, happier person now. I allowed myself to believe all his lies even though deep down I should have known it wasn't real. He'll never change.

I was planning our wedding and honeymoon, so many things I wanted to do with him. I just wonder now if the whole relationship was a lie, I'll never know I guess.

Hand holding ❤️
I agree it's all the hopes and dreams that you go into a relationship with that die.
Be strong

Spent a long time building a relationship with his son, his family, his mum etc. Watched his son grow up. He doesn't even realise that he ripped all that away from me too when he broke my heart.

I'm still friendly with them and still speak to them all but I wonder how long I can keep doing it without it being weird. Especially since he introduced his son to my replacement after only one day of 'dating'! No one even knew we had broken up yet when he started showing her off. God he's a cunt, why can't I just hate him it would be so much easier

Give yourself a chance to mourn the hopes you had for your future with him and come to terms with the feeling of wasted time. You'll get there, it's just early days. Keep busy and be kind to yourself and it'll get easier