In Law issues

[Christie08]

Hi hoping I can get advice from people who aren't close to me.

My husband and I have been married almost 2 years, on our wedding day his family did not speak to me for unknown reasons at the time, so I didn't think too much into it. A few months later it came to light it was due to different religions and they said a lot of nasty things about me and said they would never accept me or my religion.

I am now a few weeks away from giving birth to our first baby together, they have never acknowledged I am pregnant or asked about the baby. So i have told my husband I do not wish me or the baby to have any contact with them and I'm not willing to change my mind and he has admitted he can't see what they have done wrong?

He has now decided that because of this he will no longer speak to any of my family members whom he had an excellent relationship with. This has caused constant arguing and a lot of stress to me throughout my pregnancy as my family have never done anything wrong and treated him like a family member and trying to explain this to my family is quite embarrassing. I don't know whether to leave him or not.

What would you do in my situation? Any advice appreciated.

I wish I had left the first time I had the thought.

As you are pregnant, he cannot stop you from moving away, but he can once you have given birth. So if your family live away and you were wanting to move closer to them, do it now.

IL's sound horrid and your DH sounds like a child.

I think if so much stress on you, you need to sit down with him and explain the gravity of it all. Explain as you have said here how you are feeling and that your marriage is at breaking point. See what he comes back with. Unfortunately you all need to make compromises to make things work as family stuff can really tear relationships apart. My ex MIL made the comment that we shouldn't be 'breeding'

@glitterfarts My family live basically beside me so wouldn't be moving far away at all!

That sent too soon sorry! In laws are so horrible you couldn’t make it up, and yes I see DH as being very childish. He denies this and says he’s not!

@Eesha thanks for the advice! I have sat him down and said all of this, I’ve cried a million tears and we haven’t spoken for a week now because of it all. They can say such horrible things, in laws. I think the part I can’t get my head around is him refusing to speak to my family who have done absolutely nothing wrong. There innocent in all of this! But he said if I don’t speak to his then he won’t speak to mines. But I need to respect myself as they will just walk all over me again especially now I know there reasons for not speaking to me.

Well that’s his choice isn’t it?

You don’t have to explain anything - he does

@GreenTulips if my mum calls to my house he disappears to another room! He won’t even tell any of them or face them at all.

He's being very childish, and too immature to have worked out that his family were always likely to have been like this.

Sorry to say, I don't think this is something you can resolve with him on your own. Couple counselling might help, but I'd LTB. It will be easier before the birth than after.

Thank you @MulticolourMophead I just wasn’t sure if it was me over reacting!

So i have told my husband I do not wish me or the baby to have any contact with them and I'm not willing to change my mind. He has now decided that because of this he will no longer speak to any of my family members

Lol what is he - 5?

Your husband sounds like a child! You’re not talking to my parents so I’m not taking to yours! Is he this petty with regards to other things in your relationship?

Does he really not see your point of view when you told him the reason why you didn’t want your child/you to have any contact with his parents? What does he say in their defence?

With regards to your parents asking why he’s ignoring them or not talking to them, tell them the truth! Why hide how childish and pathetic he is? Let him feel ashamed!

@Snuggz yes very childish! It’s like tit for tat. This is the only problem, other than this our marriage has been really good.

No his response is “but their my parents”. But they have still done wrong regardless. I almost feel embarrassed and ashamed aswell because of it all 😔
I do love him and would love for everything to be ok and us be together and be a family but I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.

Don’t hide it from your family op and don’t make excuses for him.
Tell the world how awful they and him have been.
Call them on their behaviour and call him in his (and their behaviour that he allows).
I’d be out of there sharpish and wouldn’t put his name on the birth certificate either.
This is a slippery slope.
Wait till they undermine you with your child.
Then you’ll panic.