Why does it still bother me?

[Shoegal0305]

Firstly, let me say I feel quite pathetic admitting all this. I don't want to be flamed I'm posting for positive advice 😀😀.

I have had, almost an obsessive relationship with a guy I've known 20 years. I've posted before but long story short...... both originally in relationships, mine ended first, his was on and off more than my hot water 😂. I really loved him. Knew him very well it wasn't just a fleeting thing we worked together and in some ways he was my ideal man, humour and looks wise. But he would never commit. I had all the promises, he would never follow them up. He was on and off with the mother of his child, who I also know indirectly and by all accounts is a lovely woman. I never knowingly entered into anything when I knew he was with her. But we would get together on a night out, he wound promise me the earth, then low and behold he'd be off on holiday with the ex/girlfriend/whatever she was as I'm not sure myself??

Annnnnnyway...... about 2 years ago he made the big leap and bought a house by himself. Again, promised me we would make a go of things, but also again, never followed up on his promises. There was always an excuse. He needed more time, his son needed him, he didn't want to rush things. Things came to a head about a year ago I finally took stock and told him I wasn't going to take it anymore and that was that. It always seems easier when I have no contact with him. I deleted his number and all social media.

Please bear in mind I've been a single mum for 12 years, think I've done a pretty good job bringing up my son alone. It's been hard and my confidence has taken a hell of a battering. That's possibly why I let this man into my head for so long?

Anyway I cut contact quite confident in the knowledge that due to his inability to commit and the fact he seemed completely ruled by the ex, he wouldn't move on and stupidly i thought the old cliche 'you won't find anyone better than me' 🙄🙄.

So at Christmas I found out he's seeing someone else. I do t know why I feel so shocked, and sad? My logical self tells me it IS his loss, and I'm better off out. I KNOW this, but I have a nagging feeling of 'what has she got that I didn't'??? Pathetic? Probably. I just need someone to tell me leopards don't change their spots, will he be the same weak minded,uncommitted person with her as he was with me? I am quite happy on my own i really am in 12 years it's just been him. Why am I feeling like this???

Buttery muffin this is where I'm struggling a little! For some STUPID reason - and I know it's stupid - I feel as tho he's going to miraculously become Mr bloody perfect!

I know it's hard but try and not wait for him to do the same to her for you to be happy. No contact and stop the self harm of looking him up on social media. I was seeing a guy in 2004 and he didn't even finish with me, all of a sudden he was with someone else. I was so hurt that he didnt even speak to me. Well last week a friend told me he'd been cheating on her for 2 years. I used to have those pangs you describe wondering what she had that I didn't. Well what she has now is a very insecure situation as she isn't working and they aren't married so she has to find a place to rent and a job quick and he's broken her trust and trashed their relationship. I'm just saying these men don't tend to change, just sometimes it takes a long time for them to be a shit to the next woman and in the mean time you should try and heal. I feel sorry for the poor woman, wouldn't want to be in her position for anything. I used to think she had what I wanted but now I'm glad I didn't get it!

I stupidly looked him up on social media. No change to anything, still him and his son as his profile pic. Looked her up, oh my days, pictures of them both on holiday, looking all loved up. YES I know I'm stupid, I know I am! But it still hurts.

But OP he went on holiday with his ex and also kept you dangling. The holiday pics mean nothing. Sadly for her, he's probably cheating or on the verge of it. He's no loss. I think that you should block him on social media.

He sounds just lovely, he was in a relationship with someone else; the mother of his child and strung you along... for 20 years. Move on and find men that are single.

Thanks ladies. I feel a bit like I'm on self destruct at the min. I'm very very peri menopausal 😫 and emotions are all over the place.

Just feel like what I 'wanted' for all those years, all he promised me, is now being given to someone else. I'm still (happily!!) single but it's hard to see everyone moving on. Ps I don't want a relationship..... I AM happy by myself. Funny really, I've had so many men cheat and lie to me, wonder why I like being single? 😂😂😂