How much drinking is too much in a dh?

[boozecruise]

My dh enjoys fine wines and socialising, is a gregarious fun type to be around. But I worry that 2-3 nights a week, work related, he'll come home drunk as a skunk.

Not only is he smelly and sweaty, I just hate being around him when he's like that. He snores loudly. Talks a load of bollocks.

I worry about being widowed early if he ruins his liver.

I worry about the expense of restaurant wines when we go out together. I hate taking public transport because he refuses to drive to social events so he can drink. I refuse to chauffer him.

I don't want to invite friends round because I know everyone will get pissed and be boring and stupid and I'll be the one washing up.

Am I just a killjoy?

I'm not sure how much dh'd was, but here is bupa's range

ATM I appreciate your goodwill but why are you so pro Al-anon? Why medicalise things? I saw you took a very strong line in the thread GUM linked to, and am curious but of course you don't have to explain if it bothers you.

I mention Al-anon because they are there for families of problem drinkers and can assist.

Besides which who else is there?. There's the GP but not everyone wants to approach them either for all sorts of reasons.

Has anyone else felt like a killjoy for not joining in/putting up with dp's drinking habits? I tend not to drink much as get up early etc. But am not averse to the occasional beer to unwind with.

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Hi GUM, I totally understand, drinking too much makes me tired and grumpy.

There have been times when I've had a glass or two with dh just so he won't down a whole bottle, but I can't be bothered with that now. If at home he often cooks with wine and drinks some of that but then saves the bottle for another day.

Trouble with going out for dinner is that dh will drink 2 glasses of wine for each 1 of mine so a bottle doesn't last long. I particularly hate those large size glasses they have in pubs/restaurants - does he ever ask for a smaller measure???

Soon to be XP drinks an awful lot, pack of 4 cans during the week and as much as he can at the weekend. Didn't 'moderate' during the pg or since and DS is already 15 mo. He's ruining his health and his finances, his family won't talk to him and DS is giving him the funny look. I've never called al-anon, always felt it would make it 'my' problem. Bored of the useless, endless drunken rants, of having to justify his behaviour to family, friends and neighbours. Worried about DS and planning to separate in the very near future.
Sorry to barge in, wanted to get it off my chest.

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I enjoy a drink from time to time, though a lot less since DS's birth, must be something to do with tiredness! What gets me is that everything is angled towards drinking. Only go to the park with DS if we end up in the pub, actually wherever we go he wants to go to the pub. Anyway since he drinks everything I had to hide a couple of bottles of beers and wine for myself. People have told me that I shouldn't drink at all to 'encourage' him, which is a very naïve perspective.

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I?ve been reading the other thread mentioning al-anon again, I?m feeling rather down right now. The comments about enabling the alcoholic ring awfully true. Also, booze is not new, my mother was found of her Johnny Walker when I was a kid, my father and sister didn?t cope and committed suicide (not at the same time), XP was a boozer and my current one is as well. Obviously made some wrong life choices here.

I?ve always been extremely conscious about my alcohol consumption, keeping myself in check and if I feel I?m drinking too much I give myself 2 weeks off, just to be sure that the illness hasn?t caught me. I feel desperately sad for DS and also very angry.

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I'm not an expert on alcoholism, but from what I've seen the best test is how long a person can go without drinking. Some people get drunk (I do), but don't regard myself as having a problem because I often go a week or more without alcohol.

sorry haven't read the whole thread but have you tried videoing him? then play it back?

That?s the problem with booze, apart from people who never drink, everybody has been drunk once or more, especially in England, it?s nearly part of the culture. That?s where it gets vicious for me, the few times I?ve mentioned his drinking to his family, they?ve always come back with: oh but you drink as well! As if my 2 pints as a match to his all day session.

I'm with ATM - Al-Anon are a great organisation for supporting families and friends of alcoholics with or without imput from the drinker - they are there for YOU not the drinker.

Going to Al-Anon DOESN'T make it your problem, quite the opposite.
It helped DH and I (drinker was close family member) clarify our feelings/thoughts about it and work out how WE were going to deal with it - we had tried all the usual support, threats, bribes, etc and were worn down.
'Medicalising' it actually helped as well though I was sceptical to start with.

Ulysees, I?ve made audio recordings and believe me, it doesn?t work. Excuses:
Alcohol makes him say things he doesn?t mean, it?s my fault for being cold, he?s worked all day he?s allowed to drink in the evening, it?s the weekend he?s allowed to drink. Parole, parole?

Feetheart, I?ve checked and there is an al-anon group near work so I will go, I need to do it for myself and DS. What do you mean by medicalising?

That's a shame I hope al-anon help you.