Have I made a mistake leaving?

[Sarah2302]

Hi, I just want some advice and hand holding. This morning me and my husband had a huge argument in front of my little girl (2) I say we it was him screaming, shouting, swearing and threatening me. I have been telling him we are over for about 9 months but he won’t believe it and refuses to leave. This morning he was trying to clear the snow off my car and I asked him not to do it. He has never done a single thing to help me before so I don’t want his help now. He has trashed our relationship, threatening me, shouting at me, controlling money etc. Because I asked him to stop he went absolutely crazy at me.

I’ve come home from work and took my DD to my mums house. It’s not to punish him I just can’t be in the same house anymore as there is too much emotion. He says I make him angry and I don’t want my daughter to ever hear that again ( although that’s wasn’t the first time)

Should I have left the house? we both own it but I have paid more. I have been told by colleagues to stay but I can’t be around him anymore. I would leave everything just to be free of him!

Oh gosh yes you did the right thigh by leaving! I'm so sorry he's being so horrid, what is he threatening?

I think for now sounds the right option . You need legal advice. Don’t give it all up . You have no need.

Sounds like you've done what's best for you and your daughter tbh. If your in a toxic environment then she will be picking up on that. I'd be inclined to agree that's it's probably worth just giving him everything (although it shouldn't be that way) just to be free from it all. Stay strong, you can get though this. xx

Your marriage is definitely over and you felt threatened so in that sense you did the right thing leaving. You're married, the house is in joint names and so in a divorce situation your leaving won't make a difference.

Did you do the right thing leaving? Hell yes. He takes no responsibility for his anger and says it's all your fault and that you make him angry. Men like that don't change.

He slammed the door in my face and told me I had better get out of his sight. Then he shouted and shouted called me every name told me I was disgusting because I’m driving a car he paid for, according to him he paid for it all, which is rubbish. Just did his usual putting me down until I left for work!

I was worried as a colleague said I loose my right to the house if I leave.

Your colleague is wrong, so please don't worry about that. You and your dc are safe, that's the most important thing at the moment.

filament why should OP give up everything, that's crazy.

You do not lose you right to the house at all.
You are married it is an shared asset.
Stay with your mum.
Your DD does not need to be around this horrible abusive man.
Get some love and support this weekend and see a solicitor on Monday if you can.
If he's out of the house at all and you can get back then get paperwork together.
Passports, birth cert, marriage cert, house info.
Accounts and savings info, pension info.
Well done on leaving.
Hopefully your mum is supportive.

I managed to get a free 30 mins with a solicitor right now after trying 12 companies. He will leave for work on Sunday so can get all the stuff. I’m so so so tired of being anxious and nervous all the time. I feel like I’m living in a pressure cooker!

I remember you from previous writings.

You did the right thing in leaving. Men like your abusive H do not change.

Yes I remember you also. I was doing the grey rock technique and ignoring him but I can’t bare to be in the same house anymore. He said he won’t leave. There is too much damage done to me now to even stand looking at his face. I will stay at my mums and just take my daughter back to my house to be with her dad on his day off but I don’t want to be around him. I guess it had to get bad for me to realise i needed to go. I clung onto the house for my dads memory as he died last year and me and dad did all the decorating together, he would come over everyday to walk my dog together as he loved her so much. It was previously my granddads house but he can have it!

BigKnickers I didn't mean she should give him everything, even said she shouldn't have to. Just that I can understand the view that giving him it all just to be rid of him might be worth it.

A solicitor will sort this out OP. You will keep the house I expect. Stay away for now. I would get the police involved at this stage though due to his threats.

I was so close to calling them this morning, but I didn’t. The solicitor I spoke to earlier said I might be entitled to legal aid as I’m scared of his anger. Would this be a possibility as I don’t have money to pay a solicitor but I have assets in the house. all our joint money is “his” and my wage pays all the bills and mine and DD food.