How to recognise signs of control and financial abuse?

[Inexperiencedchick]

I have read threads here and wanted to find out if there are some signs of control we can recognise easily.

It’s been 2 weeks since I have broken up with my BF and I felt something was odd and I stepped back. Just want to see how did you ladies felt you have been abused and controlled?

Thank you for all the comments

Have a read of THIS THREAD
If you felt it then it was probably happening.
Well done on recognising it.

So when I’m at his he offered me a cup tea (as I drink tea) and a glass of juice.
I was not drinking a juice for a while he then says “drink it” My reply was: “ I will, and I have a tea.” To which he said “your tea is for the night in case you caugh” I sometimes have breathing problems and wake up with caught. Inside of me I told myself “just leave me to be who I am and what I want to do.” Next day we were planning to go for a walk and had a breakfast, where I have asked for a coffee and he just said “it’s not needed for me to drink a coffee.” So we went out and I bought a coffee for myself (texted and called him asking if he wants anything). When I got back with a cup (as he didn’t want anything) he looked at me with annoyance and said “where is mine?” I felt somehow guilty even though I have offered him. There are more little things like that...

As I have been reading threads here before for me it came across very strange and confusing. After thinking a bit, and imagining my parents visiting us at some point and him telling something out of norm and shocking my parents, I have decided to walk away...

Would you say it was a low level of control? Was he trying to control me? Was he trying to make me guilty so I don’t spend money?
I’m still confused...

Yeah - that's pretty controlling and very much gaslighting with the coffee.
If you want a coffee in the morning then you can have one.
What was his reason for “it’s not needed for me to drink a coffee.” ?
That's just NOT OK.
You did exactly the right thing.
This would escalate to what you are allowed to wear.
What friends you are allowed to hang around with etc....
Keep him dumped and rejoice at your lucky escape.

I feel very sad. But I’m at my early 40th and couldn’t believe that someone would tell me what to do at this age. But I guess it doesn’t matter how old you are for being controlled...
Even when we were shopping and were in the queue to pay, I started to place groceries on the counter and have been told which one I should place first and which ones last. That did upset me, to be honest, as I have managed my life without him for all these years. Moved the countries by myself without knowing anyone. I can’t just be put down like that.
I don’t know what to do to be honest...

Well done OP for walking away from this :)i would say u have had a lucky escape :)

Be glad you have got rid of him. If someone told me what to do I would laugh in their face.

I don’t know what to do to be honest...

OP, I think you know exactly what to do, because you've done it. You've kicked this controlling bell-end to the curb and walked away. Well done.

It sounds like he was vile and you had a lucky escape.

Well done for breaking up with him. He would have got worse, these abusive types always do.
Now you are free to find a nice man, and you know what signs to look out for. Good luck, and trust your own feelings.

Yesterday I broke down in tears as for two weeks I was ignoring every feeling I have. I miss him but wouldn’t be able to live with someone like that.

Well done chick, you spotted some behaviours fully designed to keep you beneath him and with him having all of the power... it wrankled you and you acted. Give yourself a pat on the back. I think you're amazing. I ignored red flags like these as I was too distracted by other things like flattery. Took me 2 years to get away, and by that time I was getting shat on in virtually every way you can imagine.

Fcuk him, you can do better!

Be nice to yourself.

When I was at his and was using his wifi he would tell me to check some websites for him. I don't mind to do so but after all these little things I think he didn't like me using the wifi, as he is paying for it?
Or am I overthinking now?

Wifi isn't per byte (usually). If he has wifi, he has wifi, it's not like you're a neighbour hacking in to steal it. He's a jerk, get rid of him.

well i think you recognised the most important sign - your gut whispering that something was 'off'.
You had the courage to go with your gut even though logically it didn't make sense - and i think you did the right thing.

Too many times a lot of us dismiss our gut-whispers because we're conditioned to find logic in everything.
We keep letting things go and then one day 'wake up' and realise the abuse was so insidious that we even stopped listening to our gut.

I would easily take him back if he would say sorry on our last meeting. I met him to discuss things he was hoping to talk me over to have sex with me that night. When I didn’t react to his body language and didn’t great him as I usually did, the record changed and he started to say that I’m a martyr to only complain, I’m like his SIL, etc etc. To much feministic opinion and he didn’t marry his ex due to being on the limbo all the time (which I didn’t believe) In my head was the sentence “he is saying this things to only make you believe and go back to his...”
And I left. I didn’t think I was finishing with him that evening, I just couldn’t handle the crap he was saying instead of apologising.

I do believe when you like someone those little things can be overlooked and ignored... And you care for the person in front of you... Not sure he cares though...

Obviously he isn't intelligent enough to pretend to be nice for long enough to say sorry.

Which is a good thing for you because now you know what he really thinks.