I want to move but husband does not

[Girrfe]

I moved out West to be with my now husband 10 years ago. I did tell him I wanted to be near my family as soon as we had kids or at least get equal time with each set of grandparents, this was before we married. We have now been married 2 years and in the past year we had a baby, my mom got cancer and had part of her lung removed and also was diagnosed with COPD, and my dad was also diagnosed with a rare and lethal if not treated autoimmune disease. More than ever do I want to move back or just invest in a home out there but my husband is so reluctant as he is in the midst of either selling his company, running it into the ground if no funding comes in, or firing everyone and just living off savings while trying to salvage it. Meanwhile, I am at home with the baby but could return to work but also this means paying childcare which is equivalent to a month of rent where we live. His mom might be able to help some of the time but it's no guarantee by any means. I could easily find work back East and get cheap or free childcare as I have a huge family network. My last surviving grandparent is back East with the rest of my family and she is just nearing 90 years old. We could afford to buy a home out there, but we cannot afford to buy a home where we are now nor even get a bigger apartment. Though, if my husband were to get a big Corp job here, he would be paid much higher than back East and we would eventually be able to afford a bigger place or home. I really think we should move back!! Am I sounding unreasonable?

You're certainly not unreasonable but I'm not sure that he is either. Figuring out where to move when each partner has different ideas of what would be best is really tough.

Would you have people you could stay with for 6 months or so in order to try out the area (for him) and save money at the same time - that would be hard to turn down!

If you told him that moving home was part of the having kids deal and he agreed then it's time for him to come good on his part of the agreement.

What distance is between back East and back West?

I’d assume she means East and West Coast USA.

I was assuming Lowestoft & Bristol.

The US makes more sense!

This is a toughie, with no obvious answer

Yes I mean between East and West Coast USA, a difference of 3000 miles and plane ride with at least one layover (8-9 hour trip), $360-500 per ticket. We met on the East coast during college and I always wanted to try moving out West. Ten years later and I realize life is short with your family. I think trying it out half the year isn't a bad idea. Once we know better my husband's job situation I can come up with a better plan to propose, something more full proof that he is less to find loop holes. There's a house for sale currently a few houses down from my dad's house and it's perfect. Has an inlaw suite that we could either live in and rent out the 4 bedroom house or we could rent the inlaw and live in the 4 bedroom area. We actually could afford the down payment right now... though my husband does not want to tap into savings for that yet until he knows if his company will sink or swim. I get that, but I'm sad to miss this opportunity...😟

I had also assumed the UK, oops US is clearly a much bigger deal due to the huge distance from your family, although that cuts both ways and must also be a bigger undertaking for him.

There will always be other houses so don't let your heart run away with one in particular! I would imagine your husband is also more likely to dig his heels in if you are trying to push one particular house on him (because that's very rushed and not sensible) rather than proposing exploring the general idea of moving.