Worried my marriage is over

[Silentlyweeping]

I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, have 2 kids 10 & 12 and I feel in complete despair. Two days ago my husband struck our eldest son for answering back. I was so shocked and fiercely protected my son. I told my husband that if he ever did it again I would leave him. Since then things in the house have been horrible, my husband is angry at both me and my sons. I’m heartbroken, he won’t talk about it, he just wrote a letter blaming me for my parenting style. He’s just been ignoring me and when I’ve tried to talk he just gets angry, I feel so alone and lost.

Maybe it's time for you to get angry. Him hitting your son was very bad, and he doesn't seem remorseful, quite the opposite. I know this seems counter intuitive, but I would reverse your attitude and tell him you think he needs to leave you all alone for thinking time. You don't have to make it up to him, but your actions are telling him that you (like him) think it's you in the wrong.

Thanks for replying. You are right in that he really thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I asked him to leave and he won’t go, the kids are already affected by it and I can’t bear them being upset. I just want to unwind the last few days, but I know I can’t and I know whatever happens things will never be the same again.

I agree you should be really angry ! Hitting a child and then blaming you for making him do it! He has been like this before - angry?

Would you wait for him to hit you a second time before leaving him?

No he doesn’t get angry often, in fact we rarely fight or argue, but definitely does have a darker side that comes out occasionally. As far as I know he hasnt hit the kids before. He says he’s frustrated with their behaviour and that they are spoilt. They are not they are good smart kind kids who have their moments, but he somehow he cant stand this stage where they need reminding to do things and sometimes give backchat. We are both from different backgrounds which has caused mild hiccups before, but nothing like this.

Why is he allowed to stomp round the house like the wounded party, blaming you for his violent action? Ask him to leave again, if he won't go the call the police.

I don’t believe it was a one off, he fully believes it is a parenting style. He claims it was just a “tap” and compared it to a slap on the wrist when a young child is about to run out into the road. I’m worried about leaving because perhaps I can protect the protect the kids better by being here.