DP thinks I'm leaving him out

[TurnItAround]

Basically my DP told me ages ago that he wanted to spend time with me and my kids at summer, he also said this last summer wouldn't suggest anything to do so I booked a trip to London with my mum and he got very arsey about it saying I had left him out, my argument was that if he wanted to go he should've made more of an effort.

Anyway its happening again this year, I have arranged a day in York with my mum, DP was annoyed that I had "left him out" so I told him to think about what he would like to do and said I was open to suggestions. He couldn't think of anything and in the meantime I planned a trip to scarborough sea life with my mum which infuriated him even more.

In desperation he came up with the idea of going to an air show , I hate planes, my kids hate noise and I said it was a bit "blokey" and asked if he could think of anything more family orientated...he went in a mood and said I was dismissing all his ideas

Anyway I again said that if he could think of something to do we would do it, I dont see why I should come up with all the ideas. Anyway my friend today booked me on a trip that she is going on with her womens group in august. The group is primarily for victims of domestic violence and so men are not allowed...the trip allows me and the kids to get to lightwater valley including travel and ticket prices for £5 each!! so obviously I jumped at the chance.

DP is fuming again, says it sounds boring a feminist man hating group strutting around a theme park accusing every man with a daughter of being a pedophile I told him to grow up and he said I'm being out of order constantly "leaving him out".

It annoys me that he expects to just tag along to things that I have to think up and organise myself yet he can't suggest anything or plan anything.

So am I really being a bitch here? I'm sick of him whinging about me planning stuff

No, you're not being a bitch. Sometimes men seem to be rendered useless when it comes to making decisions and it seems you are a bit damned if you do, damned if you dont. I suggest, grab a pile of touristy leaflets from somewhere, things you know the kids will like and ask DP to choose one - he would have made the decision and the kids will be happy.

ChristyC's idea is good. Give him some options and let him make the final decision.

I agree that he should make some effort to come up with ideas and plan things to do in order to spend time with you. But it does seem like you are organising a lot of things with your mum and friends and not him? Do you ever organise things to spend time with him too?

How would you feel if he organised trips out with his family and didn't take you or the kids?
It sounds a bit like a competition to spend the day out with the kids, that he is losing all the time through being not very imaginative.

Also - does he not get on with your mum, otherwise why not all go together?

Is it a choice between him choosing something and you going somewhere without him? Could you not organise a trip for you, your children and your dp?

Is he your husband or not? Why do you not book him on the things that you are doing anyway, like going to scarborough, why cant he go, even if its not his suggestion? I can see why he was annoyed at you not wanting to go air show, you have booked all these things without him, and yet not prepared to do something he wants to do.

Either you want to spend time with him as a family or not. Does it matter who's ideas they are if you spend time together?

Sounds like you are cutting your nose off to spite your face. You and your children are missing out on family time because you dont want him to come along to things that he has not organised himself...

The children are not his, so its not as if I'm taking them away from him so to speak.

What annoys me is that he puts no effort at all into organising anything for us, for instance a few weeks ago I asked him "have you given any thought as to what we could do together in summer?" and he replied "I've not really thought about it to be honest" but then if I arrange something myself he's all like "why arnt I invited to that?" like he's quite happy to tag along but not to arrange anything himself.

Same with weekends, he's quite happy to do absolutely nothing so I ask him "what do you fancy doing at weekend?" and he'll reply "don't know, not thought about that yet", if I press it he'll say "well think of something and we'll do it" but is it really asking too much to be taken out somewhere once in a while, have something organised for me? it's always me that has to do all the thinking and arranging.

For instance he was annoyed that I didn't invite him to London when I went with my mum last year so earlier today I text him "do you fancy going to London for a couple of days in August?" and I got no reply, 2 hours later I text again asking "did you get my message?" and an hour later he replied "yes I got it but was busy working on the car" I asked him what he thought about London again and he replied "I'm up for anything" so I told him how much it would cost etc and asked whether he wanted to stay for 1 night or 2 and half an hour later he replied "sounds reasonable. btw play.com are selling xbox 360's for £250..." [amgry] and then he wonders why I don't bother, yet if I was to tell him later that since he didn't sound too interested in London I have arranged to go with a friend he would hit the roof.

Some people just aren't very proactive. If you want to go places with him, you'll just have to get used to making the running. Don't stand for him complaining if he doesn't enjoy it though!