To think I'm not cut out for dating but I don't know what to do about it - alternatives to OLD?

[SnotPot]

I had not been single for more than a few months from 15 to 40. Every time a relationship ended, a few months later I would find someone else. In that time, I had a 2 year relationship (that ended when I moved countries), a 6 year relationships (that again ended when I moved countries) and a 12 year marriage (where I initiated the divorce as it was falling apart - I had dcs in this relationship).

After the divorce, exh was a total prick and the dcs refused to go to him. With me working FT in a high pressure job, it didn't leave me much time for anything other than work and the dcs.

I've now been single for almost 7 years. I tried online dating last year and just found it horrific. I met some lovely people but it was completely exhausting and there were some people who lied to me, who led me down a garden path etc.

The problem is that on the outside, I come across as strong, confident and fun. I'm lucky that I have a lot of friends. But deep down, I'm quite introverted and need a lot of space in my own head and I miss having a partner so much. It also doesn't help that ALL my friends keep going on about it and saying how they can't understand why I'm still single. I don't know if I have the courage to put myself through OLD again but I'm not sure if there are alternatives to it? As I seem to have almost no exposure to single men my age naturally.

How about going along to some of the meetup.com activities or any other activity where you'd meet lots of people of both sexes. Or if you don't already, find a job in a large company. I understand your feeling about OLD - I would hate it, going on dates with people I've never met. Much prefer getting to know people in a normal setting before dating.

I work in a large company but I'm in a very male dominated industry where I really wouldn't and couldn't start anything with anyone at work. And just thinking about it, I don't think there are many single men my age anyway!

I did look at meetup.com. A friend of mine did a few of them and said there were loads and loads more women than men (in my area) and tbh, I don't need to make more friends if that makes sense. She found it useful as she was lonely and didn't have that many friends to start with but I'm not friendship lonely in that sense.

I second meetup.com

I have been a Widow now for 13 years. I found online dating hideous and very demorilising. I then joined several Meetup groups related specifically to my interests.

Over the years I have made a number of great friends, both male and female. I now regularly meet those friends on a one to one basis and whilst none of them have become a relationship (yet) that is really down to my preference to stay single. I like my freedom too much !!

Meetup is diiferent because there is no pressure or expectation. Friendships develop naturally.

I’m watching with interest as I am in a similar position. I’ve been separated just over a year and tried OLD last year, which led to a few days and brief relationships, one of whom I have stayed friends with but mostly I hated it.
I’d quite like to meet someone as although I am quite happy on my own, there are certain things I miss about being in a relationship that no amount of friends can fill really.

*dates

I agree that OLD isn't much fun.

I joined a local Facebook singles group but obviously I don't know the men who message me before I meet them so it's like OLD in that respect.

I met one guy he was nice but no spark, the problem was I was soo nervous I couldn't stop shaking after the date.

The second guy turned out to have a girlfriend who messaged me before I even had chance to meet him!!

The third guy seems nice & normal, works for the company where my sister works, I'd arranged a date then had a panic attack before I was due to leave.
I told him I was ill but he's been either with his children or working abroad since then so we still haven't met up.

I've had other men message me from the singles group who are probably nice but are either too old, too unhealthy or too overweight for me I'm afraid.

I get panicky going to work events so meet-up would be no good anyway & the local meet-ups are full of women.
My best friends no longer go to bars as they have families. I can't drink alcohol anyway (on medication).

I go to the gym - lots of fit men there but they only make eye contact if anything, I'd have to be the first one to say hello but they usually have headphones on.

When I'm fitter I'll consider joining a male friendly class like circuits. But at present I'm not fit enough being all red in the face & short of breath is not very attractive!

At work there's a few single men - they tend to be either players, weird, locums who travel a lot or too young.
There is a nice physio who flirts with me but he's in his 20s, I'm 42 so it's not happening.

I sometimes go to the pub near the gym for a post workout Diet Coke - last time a fellow gym goer did talk to me briefly at the bar so there's hope there!

I've signed up to Tinder & POF but I'm even too nervous to read my messages! Let alone answer them or meet them.

So what IS the answer if you're unlikely to meet a man in RL & get panic attacks meeting men you don't know??

Sorry for the essay