Hi
I am struggling with the attitude towards me from my partners 25 year old daughter. Since I have known her mum she has been the same, except when she split up from her boyfriend and I was there 24/7. She is getting married, and my partner and her ex have asked the daughters future husband if he is sure because of how she is.
There is background, but the upshot is I have been with my partner (there was some issues) for well over ten years. I have three children 26,23, and 11. My ex wife moved to scotland in 2008 and the boys stayed, my daughter was born 2007 after her mum fell pregnant, even though she told me medically she couldn't.
Anyway, we tried living together and the daughter caused such problems that I moved out. She said she would not be at the house if I was there and made life difficult. She said because I don't work I was sponging.....mmm, I was medically retired as a police officer, so income isnt an issue.
So I have done the best I can with her, but it is hard on my partner. Six years ago the house opposite hers came up and I moved in as the next best thing and we got engaged. We had no congratulations and moods. My partner moved in 12 months ago and of course it can be difficult especially as she is going through the early menopause.
SO, I decided to try and talk to her and arranged to meet her. She sat down and was aggresive to me. I wanted to talk because I get the impression that she thinks her mum is unhappy.
She told me that her mum has said she doesn't know if she wants to be with me........I said she is happy and the daughter will only accept that from her mum.
My partner, she is going through the menopause, I am sure people can relate. It is difficult because my partner finds it hard to talk about emotions. I am cool with it and no matter what happens we come back to being in love. If things go wrong for whatever reason my partner takes it out on me, we argue, say things and then back together. There is little intimacy, menopause, so arguments happen. But we end up back in the happy place. Her youngest daughter has also left home for uni, so add that in.
I love my partner and her daughter seems hell bent on making her choose. She told me I was making a big thing of it, I said it is a big thing because her moods upset people.
We had a log chat, I told her she was always welcome, that I am a different parent to her mum. My kids adore my partner.
At Christmas my partner was shocked that her daughter did not put my name in the christmas card and she had to buy a card for her daughter to give to my 11 year old(BTW she is 11, suffers anxiety, home schooled and has asd/add traits as well as severe eczema that disrupts sleep)
I disclosed that her mum also suffers because she lost her mum when she was 8years old to breast cancer, she is struggling at the moment after the cold feet story. Her brother is worrying her and her dad got married not long after losing his wife, her mum.
So it is difficult, but I always talk, listen and am there, my partner has always said she can't imagine life without me and we are adult enough to know arguments happen.
So I left the chat on good terms, asking if she was coming around for dinner, and if we are busy, help herself. If she wanted a key, i said thats fine.
She has the attitude that if people try and talk to her she flies off the handle and makes it difficult.
Last night she phoned my partner, but my partner did not get the call. She phoned her back and nothing. She got a text saying she is sorry for not being therre for her. Her partner called and asked if there was an issue because she was upset after our chat. My partner said I wanted to clear the air, that was all.
I was not rude, when she started swearing at me I told her not to. I told her that she needed to stop how she is. I was told I was coming between her and her mum......etc....
Sorry, but what do I do......Is it me or am i hitting my head against a wall. She is like it with her dads new wife of 10 years and he went and got married elsewhere.
Any wisdoms, I even said that at the wedding, if it will be awkward, I will go to the evening only......My partner doesnt want the...
God, I am confused......thank you